Nosmo King
Gold Member
Three general contractors, an African American, a Roman Catholic and a Jew, were headed of to a General Contractor's convention when suddenly their car lost control and plunged over a cliff. They were instantly standing before the Pearly Gates and St. Peter himself. Glowering at the three stunned men, St. Peter said "I'm not in the habit of admitting general contractors through the Pearly Gates and into the Kingdom of Heaven."
The three newly dead men winced, suspecting as much after a lifetime of ripping off their customers.
"But the Lord and I are in a bit of a pickle." continued St.Peter. "These poor old gates are wearing out and I thought while you were here, you might provide me with estimates for their repair"
"Well, St.Peter" began the African American contractor "My firm can make the necessary repairs for $5,000."
"Care to itemize your proposal?" asked St. Peter.
"Sure! We'll reset the hinges for $1,500, buff out the gold for another $1,500, install a new lock set for $1,000 and build you a new guard booth for another $1,000"
"You know, St. Peter, these gates are widely admired on Earth" began the Roman Catholic contractor "My company can do the job right for $15,000. We'll also rest the hinges at $1,500. We can repair and replace the gemstones for $3,000. A new guard booth with Wi-Fi and video surveillance for $5,500. We'll leave 10% out for unforeseen contingencies and with whatever is left we can make a generous contribution to Catholic Charities."
"St. Peter. Bubby. You want a nice job?" said the Jewish contractor "I can do it all for $55,000."
"55,000?" exclaimed St. Peter "That's eleven times the low bid! How can I sell that to the Lord?"
"Calm down, bubblila," said the Jewish contractor "We break it down like this. $25,000 goes to you. I put $25,000 in my pocket. Then we hire the colored boy to do the work for $5,000"
The three newly dead men winced, suspecting as much after a lifetime of ripping off their customers.
"But the Lord and I are in a bit of a pickle." continued St.Peter. "These poor old gates are wearing out and I thought while you were here, you might provide me with estimates for their repair"
"Well, St.Peter" began the African American contractor "My firm can make the necessary repairs for $5,000."
"Care to itemize your proposal?" asked St. Peter.
"Sure! We'll reset the hinges for $1,500, buff out the gold for another $1,500, install a new lock set for $1,000 and build you a new guard booth for another $1,000"
"You know, St. Peter, these gates are widely admired on Earth" began the Roman Catholic contractor "My company can do the job right for $15,000. We'll also rest the hinges at $1,500. We can repair and replace the gemstones for $3,000. A new guard booth with Wi-Fi and video surveillance for $5,500. We'll leave 10% out for unforeseen contingencies and with whatever is left we can make a generous contribution to Catholic Charities."
"St. Peter. Bubby. You want a nice job?" said the Jewish contractor "I can do it all for $55,000."
"55,000?" exclaimed St. Peter "That's eleven times the low bid! How can I sell that to the Lord?"
"Calm down, bubblila," said the Jewish contractor "We break it down like this. $25,000 goes to you. I put $25,000 in my pocket. Then we hire the colored boy to do the work for $5,000"
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