USMB Coffee Shop IV

[Hossfly]

Even, or I should say especially, with most processed deserts (and many foods) the primary sweetener is high fructose corn syrup because it's a fraction of the cost of sugar. We look for all natural that specifically utilizes sugar as some "all natural" foods still use high fructose corn syrup or we simply make our own so that we control the ingredients that go into it.

Honey is a healthy natural sweetner, especially clover honey. Also beet sugar.

Agave syrup in coffee, honey in tea
When I ran out of agave and forgot to pick some up I went to Stevia. It got me through.

I sweeten tea with honey and for coffee I just stir it with my thumb.

 

[Darkwind]

I was tipped off to an Amazon customer review site, topic: Haribo Sugarless Gummi Bears. This is one example of the customer reviews of this item:

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.

PS: When I ordered these, the warnings and disclaimers and legalese were NOT posted. I'm not a moron. Also, not sure why so many people assume I'm a man. I am a woman. We poop too. Of course, our poop sparkles and smells like a walk in a meadow of wildflowers. Thanks for all the great comments. I've been enjoying reading them and so glad that the horror show I experienced from snacking on these has at least made some people smile.

Tell me you didn't laugh.
Amazon.com: Customer Reviews: Haribo Gummi Bears Sugar Free 5lb Bag

Best read I've had in a month. That was frikken hilarious.

 

[Pogo]

Nikola Tesla - fascinating mind

This is a good bio: Prodigal Genius

He had an Einsteinic understanding of energy. One night the earth in Manhattan started rumbling like an earthquake. Police, having grown used to Tesla's experiments, went to his house to find him hacking a small vibrating machine to death to stop the earthquake. It was that efficient. Set up a transmission station sending power (rather than radio waves) through the air and lit up a bank of lights 40 miles away with it, wirelessly.

 

[Sarah G]

How much would someone have to pay you to do this??

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksMRivrEgoM]Panic Button - A Box Full Of Spiders - YouTube[/ame]

There isn't enough money in the world.

I hate that kind of shit on TV. I never watched it but I watched this video and I'm kicking myself for it. It's the kind of thing nightmares are made of.

 

[R.D.]

I was tipped off to an Amazon customer review site, topic: Haribo Sugarless Gummi Bears. This is one example of the customer reviews of this item:

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

Tell me you didn't laugh.
Amazon.com: Customer Reviews: Haribo Gummi Bears Sugar Free 5lb Bag

I think this guy ate some too. The Most Embarrassing Private Jet Flight Of All Time . Skip down past the 3rd picture to read story

 

[Ernie S.]

[MENTION=6847]Foxfyre[/MENTION] - thank you for adding my name to the prayer list. My friend's funeral was a week ago Tuesday, it was very sad. Her family and those of us who enjoyed her friendship will miss her very much.. You can remove my name from the list, your thoughtfulness was very much appreciated.

Ditto for me, Foxy. Allisha and the boys are doing pretty well, and I can still feel Royce every time a see a jack at the poker table.

 

[Big Black Dog]

Just got my bathroom window fixed. Been trying for over a year to get it fixed. In the last year three different repair guys have come to my house to fix the window which only required a new crank thingy to fix it. Been promised too many time to count about when somebody would be out to my house to fix the window. The windows are under warranty. It's surprising how fast it can get fixed when you tell the owner of the business that you are going to sue him if the window isn't fixed within the next 10 days! I'm a happy camper now because it is one less thing for Mrs. BBD to complain to me about. Life is good!

 

[Foxfyre]

Good morning everybody. I wasn't feeling well earlier so went back to bed and decided to allow myself a sick day, just stay in bed and sleep or watch TV. But I was bored with being sick by 10 o'clock so I'm up and convincing myself that I feel better.

Temp is in low 80's outside right now but we're predicted to hit 99 today which would be a record high for this day of the year. The swamp cooler is running efficiently and, as dry as it is, it will keep us even uncomfortably cool. And it seems really silly wearing a sweater when it is 99 outside.

Ah well, this too shall pass. We'll be looking forward to cool fall temperatures and the first snow. . . well, maybe not just yet.

Everybody have a great Wednesday!!!

 

[Big Black Dog]

Want me to send Mrs. BBD over with a bowl of chicken and rice soup, Foxy? Hope you feel better real soon.

 

[Spoonman]

ok, thsi struck me as funny as hell

 

[gallantwarrior]

I was tipped off to an Amazon customer review site, topic: Haribo Sugarless Gummi Bears. This is one example of the customer reviews of this item:

Tell me you didn't laugh.
Amazon.com: Customer Reviews: Haribo Gummi Bears Sugar Free 5lb Bag

The first ingredient is Lycasin, made up primarily of Maltitol a sugar alcohol which our systems cannot digest. It sits in the gut and "ferments......."
No, the review is not a made up joke. One reviewer posted that they sent one bag to the Westboro Baptist Church as a donation because "we all know how God hates irregularity."

I won't ingest any artificial sugar at all. Ya gotta read ingredient labels on literally everything now. Especially if it's got the label "diet", "lite" or "reduced sugar" on it.

Look for any ingredient ending in -tose, -cose, or -lose. They've been getting creative by naming their chemical sweeteners that way, mimicking natural sugar names.

 

[gallantwarrior]

By the way, brought the wife home at 1:30PM, she was itching to get out of the hospital by 10 this morning. She's doing fine, hurts when she gets up and moves with a constant ache but the gave her Percocet so she 's up for a while then back in bed sleeping for a while. Appetite is great and she can have whatever she wants, the apple pie ala mode disappeared.....

Seems her recovery is going well. That's good news. Apple pie ala mode? Is it dutch apple pie?

 

[gallantwarrior]

The first ingredient is Lycasin, made up primarily of Maltitol a sugar alcohol which our systems cannot digest. It sits in the gut and "ferments......."
No, the review is not a made up joke. One reviewer posted that they sent one bag to the Westboro Baptist Church as a donation because "we all know how God hates irregularity."

I won't ingest any artificial sugar at all. Ya gotta read ingredient labels on literally everything now. Especially if it's got the label "diet", "lite" or "reduced sugar" on it.

Even, or I should say especially, with most processed deserts (and many foods) the primary sweetener is high fructose corn syrup because it's a fraction of the cost of sugar. We look for all natural that specifically utilizes sugar as some "all natural" foods still use high fructose corn syrup or we simply make our own so that we control the ingredients that go into it.

Ditto about the high fructose corn syrup. Another thing about hfcs is that is manufactured from GMO corn.

 

[Statistikhengst]

Well, it's Wednesday. Good enough reason to have another cup of coffee.

I've cut way back myself. I only drink coffee on days that end in Y.

Me, too!!!

 

[Hossfly]

Well, it's Wednesday. Good enough reason to have another cup of coffee.

I've cut way back myself. I only drink coffee on days that end in Y.

Me, too!!!

Or "g", "h".

 

[Statistikhengst]

I've cut way back myself. I only drink coffee on days that end in Y.

Me, too!!!

Or "g", "h".

Montag, Dienstag, Mittwoch, Donnerstag, Freitag, Samstag, Sonntag

 

[Derideo_Te]

ok, thsi struck me as funny as hell

He needed a scope to see the taillight?

 

[gallantwarrior]

How much would someone have to pay you to do this??

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksMRivrEgoM]Panic Button - A Box Full Of Spiders - YouTube[/ame]

There isn't enough money in the world.

If, and that's big IF, I were drunk or drugged enough to participate in such a venture, I'd still have sense enough to keep my mouth shut. Otherwise, not enough money for me, either.

 

[Statistikhengst]

ok, thsi struck me as funny as hell

He needed a scope to see the taillight?

Kind of a statement of our times....


[MENTION=24208]Spoonman[/MENTION], that was outstanding.

 

[Spoonman]

ok, thsi struck me as funny as hell

He needed a scope to see the taillight?

Kind of a statement of our times....


[MENTION=24208]Spoonman[/MENTION], that was outstanding.

the old ready, shoot , aim technique