What is it like to be old in America?

[Mindful]

A friend and I were driving to a cafe a while back. I can’t remember what led up to this, but she said, “When that happens you’ll move in with one of your children, right?”
“Oh, no. I wouldn’t want to create friction between my children and their spouses.”

That surprised her and she followed up by saying that her parents expected to move in with her because she was the eldest daughter. Beyond that, she fully expected and wanted to care for them in their declining years.
My friend was raised in an entirely different culture than I was. In her culture, it is relatively common for multi generations to live in the same house.

Quora

www.quora.com

 

[rightwinger]

What is it like to be old in America?​

Beats the alternative

 

[rightwinger]

That surprised her and she followed up by saying that her parents expected to move in with her because she was the eldest daughter. Beyond that, she fully expected and wanted to care for them in their declining years.

In those cultures when the parents finally die, who gets the inheritance?

The oldest son

 

[Dogmaphobe]

I will let you know when I get there.

I am only in my late sixties currently.

 

[Mindful]

I will let you know when I get there.

I am only in my late sixties currently.

Can hardly wait.

 

[DGS49]

When I was four years old, one of a family of seven living in subsidized housing, my grandmother became financially unable to maintain the old family homestead. She had a boarder who paid a couple bucks a month, but beyond that it was just Social Security, which was a two-digit number. While it was outside my hearing, my parents had many long conversations about whether we should propose moving in with Grandma, but ultimately my father prevailed, and we did that.

One of the best things that ever happened. It gave us the opportunity to live with Grandma, as well as share in the visits from her other kids and their children over the years.

When my father turned 65 - living alone in the same house - we brought him to live with us for the remainder of his life (12 years), and again, it was all good. My son got to know his grandfather and become close to him.

I am a healthy 72, and I suspect that when either I or my wife dies, he will join the survivor and continue the tradition.

To me, the greatest drawback of Social Security is the attitude that elderly parents are on their own, and should not expect to be cared for by their grown children. That is a big dis-service to the grandchildren and the grandparents as well.

 

[sparky]

The eskimo's placed floated their aged off on icebergs....

The Vikings sent them to valhalla

The asians put them in a hut with a load of opium

Modern Americans employ a predatory HC system that does us in

~S~

 

[Disir]

A friend and I were driving to a cafe a while back. I can’t remember what led up to this, but she said, “When that happens you’ll move in with one of your children, right?”
“Oh, no. I wouldn’t want to create friction between my children and their spouses.”

That surprised her and she followed up by saying that her parents expected to move in with her because she was the eldest daughter. Beyond that, she fully expected and wanted to care for them in their declining years.
My friend was raised in an entirely different culture than I was. In her culture, it is relatively common for multi generations to live in the same house.

Quora

www.quora.com

People did live in multigenerational households until the 1920s in the US. It was during that decade there was a push to end that.

I don't want my son to have to take care of me. I do want him to visit me. He can live with me if he has to. I think that it was expected of me to take care of one of my parents. That's not happening now.

I don't think my generation is aging the way we are supposed to. We are making it up as we go.

My hair will be gray and down to my ankles. I will braid it. I will wear bangles and long boho skirts. I will dance under the stars and hike by the rivers. I will cut fresh flowers. I will travel where I want to. I will drink on my front porch and when the kids come by to try to scare me then I will shoot them with a salt gun. They will run away and then they will be scared shitless and stay away from my house when they are teens.

 

[JustAnotherNut]

Many families put the old folks into a home, because they don't have the time or inclination to care for them or make room for them in their lives. Then there are those that do. So it may depend more on the quality of relationship between the elders and their kids as to whether or not they take them in.

In some respects I am in that situation now. When my husband passed away a few years ago, our 2 sons were just coming of age. #2 quit his schooling to get a job to help pay expenses that I couldn't afford on my own, since hubs had not made any provisions for after his death. #3 son was in his last year of high school. When he graduated, he also got a job to help pay expenses. On my disability alone, I can not afford to make it on my own. Both sons couldn't afford to move out on their own........so we all share expenses and still live in the same house they grew up in. My oldest son, from ex, has his own place.

I, like you say, don't want to be a burden on my kids or have to rely on them, but I don't really have any other choice. I would love to sell the house, buy a small place in a lower cost of living area, but if I did that, then my 2 younger sons would be homeless. So it makes better sense to just stay here and we all have a place to live with a few bucks in our pockets.

But I am also not able to do as much as I used to, and I often wonder what will happen to me when I can no longer take care of myself. I don't want any of my boys to be taking care of me, but I don't like the idea of being in a home either. It's a tough call.


In families that do take on the aging parent(s), it is a benefit of keeping families close knit. Holidays and other get togethers are celebrated like they used to be. Everyone coming together that alot of people have fallen away from. They go to movies or other attractions instead of celebrating Christmas or Thanksgiving with the family. Kids that don't have the benefit of grandparents or other extended older family members in their lives, don't have that 'connection'.........and is probably a good reason for so much trouble from kids nowdays.

 

[Stryder50]

A lot varies based upon ethnic and culture.
In my rural neighborhood here, there are families from Mexico and also India/Sikh, whom have many generations living in the same house. I've noticed that the affluent Sikh (berry farm owners) have fairly large "MacMansions" to house all in

 

[flan327]

In those cultures when the parents finally die, who gets the inheritance?

The oldest son

We made a will

Split between his kids and my kids

 

[rightwinger]

We made a will

Split between his kids and my kids

Good for him

I have a neighbor who is from Ireland and lost her husband to cancer.

When her father died, all the money went to her oldest brother…..who ran out and bought a pub

 

[alexa]

Good for him

I have a neighbor who is from Ireland and lost her husband to cancer.

When her father died, all the money went to her oldest brother…..who ran out and bought a pub

I take it your neighbour's father made his will in the US and so could do exactly as he chose. It is the same in England. In Ireland and Scotland however, money must be divided equally among the children.

 

[braalian]

As someone who’s worked in nursing homes for over ten years, all I can say is, as less than perfect the care we provide at times can be, it is still usually better than the care provided at home by family.

 

[Disir]

When I grow up, I want to be like her.

 

[Woodznutz]

Taking in and caring for a sick or aging relative was common in my family. My (late) wife's family as well.