Experiences with Women

[Gracie]

One thing that worries me is that if I stop looking, that cuts my chances of finding a good woman. There is one woman who does take herself seriously and values herself, and is emotionally mature, and is tackling her school debt all by herself, and is mapping out a plan for her future... and she and I had Thanksgiving dinner with our RN friend and her family. I think she was trying to set us up, because she remarks on how absolutely cute we two are together constantly. She is 24 and pursuing nursing, and I am 27 and pursuing nursing.

Then that is who you should tentatively take steps with. Ask her out for lunch. Not dinner. Maybe a cup of coffee. Or to the park to feed the birds. Find out her interests. Maybe the movies?

You CANNOT fix broken people. That is your problem. Therein lies the clue. You want to fix. If you fix, you are....the fixer and she will miraculously be repaired and you live happily ever after. Ain't gonna happen.

I am old now. But lemme tell ya...I've been around the block a few times. Probably a couple of hundred times. Guys like you are easy pickin's. Women can zone in on that real quick. If they are broken...all the better to find a naive guy like you to use. So now that you know where your problem is...work on it. YOU CANNOT FIX BROKEN WOMEN. So stop trying. You can feel bad for them, but keep your distance. Don't get involved.

A door has squeaked open with your mutual RN friend. Push it open a bit wider and take a peek and let her take a peek at you. Coffee. Park. Movie. Lunch. Dinner after a few coffee "dates". Invite the RN friend to come along so it is more at ease for her..and you.

Watch Frasier episodes, lol. Learn from him. He had a hard time too. But he finally prevailed.

 

[ChrisL]

You don't to scare a girl away by revealing too much about what you feel. Best to leave an air of mystery, I think. Make her question whether or not the man likes her. If you share too much information, you become boring, I think.

Wrong.

I feel so confused, because the things I read online about the game and how to attract people keep saying different things.

I don't know what is right and what is wrong. Just want to find and fall in love with and marry a woman and live happily in love with her.

Aww Wake! That is so sweet. Lol. Don't worry so much. You are going to be fine. It's not easy, but I think you will find the right girl for you. You just need to find a person that you connect with and that you have things in common with. That is why picking up a hobby is actually a very good idea. Something that you really do like though. There are a ton of online dating sites too. There's nothing wrong with checking them out. You never know where you might meet somebody special.

 

[sealybobo]

Gotta be a little bad, and then a little good.....keeping them on the edge....

And be able and willing to help her with her car payments now and again.

 

[Moonglow]

Gotta be a little bad, and then a little good.....keeping them on the edge....

And be able and willing to help her with her car payments now and again.

 

[Moonglow]

Wake...you are aiming for broken women. That girl you said you liked...she is a mess and it looks like she enjoys staying in it. Why are you attracted to broken girls? That is something you need to explore in yourself...and put a whoa on it. Fast.
Did you think that maybe..just maybe..there is a woman you work with that is interested in you but is too shy or hesitant to let on? You seem to focus on the bad girls..bad as in being FUCKED UP in da head. Stop being a daddy/friend to losers, cuz that is what it sounds like what you did. She needed a friend to whine to, then you told her how you really felt, and she backed off to go back to her scummy boyfriend. Good. Consider it a blessing cuz HE can deal with her mental issues and insecurities where she allows what he does and what she does to herself.

People only do to you what you LET them do to you.

And stop looking. But be aware. Someone might just be right under your nose and you haven't seen her cuz you are too busy being someone elses scapegoat.

I had developed feelings for her during the year I worked with her. As some women are attracted to broken men, I felt attracted to this broken woman, and wanted to see her made whole and be happy.

Speaking with people these last couple days, I have been advised to steer clear. They know her far more than I do. A young woman one year younger than me, [26], and an engaged friend, actually gave me advice on which women to avoid and which handful were actually worth it [those who had their heads on right]. You... you're very insightful to ask me why I sought out a broken woman. My heart just hurt seeing her continually call herself worthless and nothing... and I felt sad for her and wanted to be there to fix her.

There are two women that I have been informed are into me but are waiting for me to be the man and ask them. A third actively stalks my Facebook page. Another coworker, Jen, told me that I don't need any more crazy in my life and that she has WAY too much baggage and needs to fix herself first before she starts actually going out and having a meaningful relationship. She's a 22-year-old child with a child of her own. Maybe I was just an idiot to want to save her.

I made this post on Facebook yesterday:

And so he asked her: 'Why do you stay with this one? Has he not hurt you before and again?'

'Because I love him,' she replied back. He paused for a moment, then spoke.

'My dear, you cannot change a man no matter how much you love him. He only changes himself because he loves you.'

A coworker responded that she was basically an idiot, to which I said I doubt she's an idiot, but she's young and emotionally immature and needs to grow up and drag herself up out of that dark pit as I did for myself.

One thing that worries me is that if I stop looking, that cuts my chances of finding a good woman. There is one woman who does take herself seriously and values herself, and is emotionally mature, and is tackling her school debt all by herself, and is mapping out a plan for her future... and she and I had Thanksgiving dinner with our RN friend and her family. I think she was trying to set us up, because she remarks on how absolutely cute we two are together constantly. She is 24 and pursuing nursing, and I am 27 and pursuing nursing.

You don't need a rebound relationship where you think you need to save someone.....It never works....

 

[Gracie]

Actually....pull the RN friend aside that is trying to match you two up and tell her you are open to it and would appreciate some assistance. Like...a pot luck where you and she are invited to the RNs house. Ask RN friend to tell you more about her, so you get a little bit of what she likes..what she is most interested in in the work you both do...stuff like that. If this gal ain't broken....LOOK at her. I mean..really look. Inside, and out. Her heart. What moves her. And don't play hard to get. Let her know what moves you, what your likes are, etc. TALK. Coffee does wonders. So do other mutual friends in a comfy, easy setting where nobody is beholden to the other. Just folks hanging out.

 

[Moonglow]

Just split a joint and all will fall in place....

 

[Gracie]

A nice glass of wine over brunch with friends present would be better.

I'm serious Wake. You are not House. He was brilliant but a dick. Watch Frasier.
Ever see Awakenings with Robin Williams? You kinda remind me of that Doctor he played. His nurse tried but was rebuffed. But he came around and finally SAW her.

Wake up, Wake. No more broken women. One is near you that isn't broken. Maybe. Remains to be seen. If this gals co workers think she is great...then there is your first good sign.

 

[Wake]

I just read this article, and I was wondering what ya'll think about it.

The Power of Indifference

Spoiler

Have you noticed how when you have a girlfriend, suddenly other girls seem to find you that much more attractive? Watch your friends and see how girls' perspectives of them change when your friends get a girlfriend. Irrespective of a girlfriend or not, you are still the same person with the same interests and characteristics. What is it that changes about you with a girlfriend?

The answer is indifference.

Indifference to whether the girl likes you or not.

In order to really be successful with women, you have to be indifferent. You have to give up your attachment to women. This doesn't mean that you have to stop liking women or pursuing them. You shouldn't give up your goals, and you definitely shouldn't give up your desires. What you should do is remove your attachment to the outcome.

This is a really influential thing to do. When you remove your attachment to the outcome, joining your true desire with indifference at the same time, you will be able to be successful with any girl that you wish.

Concern with the outcome is based on your ego – it is fear and insecurity, and the need for security and control. The ideal outcome of the girl liking you, or of you getting action, might provide your ego with a sense of worth for a short time, but it is only passing ... it will come and go. This can create anxiety, as your ego needs further reestablishment and proof that it is triumphant, producing a down-ward spiral.

Attachment is based on fear and insecurity because the attachment is always to results. Indifference, however, is superior because with indifference you have the freedom to create new and better opportunities. Your interactions with women are more spontaneous and fun.

Without indifference, we become prisoners of our current situation. We are more worried about messing up where we are with the girl, or worried that the girl will think less of us, than looking forward to the positive side of what might happen.

Most guys look for the security of a girl who likes them. They say "When I have a hot girlfriend, then I'll be alright. I'll know that I can get hot women and not have to worry about women in the future." But it never works out like that ... ever!

You can spend a lifetime looking for that security and never find it. Attachment to getting women to like you will always create more insecurity. Sometimes, the people who look like they have the most girlfriends are the most insecure, and they have to work the hardest to ensure that they don't lose any of them, and don't enjoy the benefits.

You don't want to end up becoming a victim of your past memories, with the highlight in your life being going over the way that you used to be, of how you used to be able to get any girl, of how all the women used to love you. If you can be truly indifferent to the outcome, you can step into the present moment and enjoy life the way it is. You can take pleasure from all the beautiful women around you. It means that in every moment when you are with a woman, you will experience excitement, adventure and mystery.

Being indifferent doesn't mean that you shouldn't pursue women. You should still go for girls that you think are beautiful and fun. You should still look to try to get their number, or take them out for a drink, or have a good time with them. However, between now and you getting the girl's number, there are still multiple possibilities. At any moment, a more beautiful girl could come along, you could find that you don't actually like the girl, or you could be introduced to another girl who would be ideal for you. With indifference, you can change direction at any moment if you find someone more exciting. Being indifferent also means that you are less likely to force solutions and are more likely to see opportunities.

If someone isn't interested in you, and you try to force them to be interested, you'll only push them further away. However, if you are indifferent to the girl's interest, but would still like to go for a drink with her, you'll wait until the timing is right for her and the opportunity is available.

There are loads of reasons why indifference works. When indifferent to a girl, you are more confident and funny. You give off a positive vibe. You provide the girl with a challenge. All of these traits are magic by themselves. But rather than trying to work on each aspect individually, if you can become indifferent, you create a synergy of all the positive traits of a Don Juan working together.

With a mind-set of indifference, you can be successful with any girl. Work on being indifferent and a new world will open its doors to you!

If you behave as though you're indifferent to women in general, in that you're not attached to them, that would show that you are not insecure. Indifference is security; you don't get attached when asking women out, and you have the freedom to change your path on a whim.

 

[Gracie]

No. Indifference means emotionless.

You are making too much of this. You cannot "study" to attract the right woman. You have to be yourself but not be daddy or besties. YOU have to be secure but open.

Chill out. If this girl interests you...then give it a go in a light manner. If you are just looking for a wife and kids but have no emotion towards HER..you are not doing her..whomever Her winds up being..any favors.

 

[Wake]

'Women will chase you and pursue you if you give them the space. It’s not that being indifferent means you’re rude to women, it’s simply that you really don’t pay too much attention to women until they go out of their way to get your attention. And even when they have your attention, they still have to work to catch you. But what does the average guy do? Most every guy thinks that the woman he is out with is potentially his future wife or “the one.” While the woman he is out with, just has the attitude of let’s just see what happens. Men should think like women do when it comes to approaching a date. A woman is not going to give you any higher value than you have earned through your actions over time. How do men normally think? She’s hot! She’s my future wife and I just know it! Impatience never commands success.

You should always approach women you date with patience. Make her earn your interest through her actions. Most men are ready to run to the altar before they have even said the first word to a woman they like. If you give your heart away so easily, it will never be valued or appreciated. Women will take you for granted and most of them will reject you. Why? Women want a man who is a challenge. Human beings, and especially women, tend to take for granted things that come easy; but appreciate things or people they had to work hard for. Besides, people can hide who they really are for about 90 days before the real them starts to come out. It’s impossible to get to know what a woman is really like in a long-term relationship until you’ve been dating her for at least 90 days. If you put women on probation like they all do to you, then you will have peace of mind and contentment when you agree to become exclusive. Make her earn your love. If you give it away like it means nothing, then women will treat it like it means nothing. That’s something to think about!'

Indifference Makes The Difference With Women

Maybe I should start being indifferent. Not rude. A challenge of sorts.

The bolded, Gracie, I can honestly say is something I need to fix.

 

[ChrisL]

For a date, I would recommend a comedy club. It's a lot of fun, and you can laugh and have fun together. It's less pressure than just sitting there alone at a table in a restaurant or something and a good way to break the ice, IMO. Go to a comedy club and then go out for coffee afterwards. The movies are good too though.

 

[Gracie]

A man wrote that, I bet.

Whatever, Wake. You asked for advice. I gave mine.

Last words:
You are working too hard on this. Men are from mars. Women are from Venus. You will never figure us out.

 

[Wake]

Maybe it's better just to be myself, honest, and confident.

 

[Wake]

I shouldn't feel afraid to flirt, or to ask women out, either.

And if a woman says no, then it's her loss, and realize there are over a billion single women on this planet.

You gotta mix and mingle to improve exposure, right?

 

[shadow355]

And if a woman says no, then it's her loss, and realize there are over a billion single women on this planet.?

And some women look like Hillary ! And have her personality and demeanor.



Shadow 355

 

[Wake]

So basically the main thing is refining how to ask a woman out. I've only asked two women out, but I'm planning to do so more frequently now, for practice. The plan's to be myself while being a gentleman.

This link has some good advice: How to Ask a Woman Out: 13 Tips | The Distilled Man

You never want to get ahead of yourself: just stay in the present moment. Be confident as hell, and dress like you value yourself.

I'm going to ask two women out on Friday. One I like and have been told she's waiting for me to ask her, and then probably the one who's stalking my Facebook page, just out of curiosity to see what happens.

 

[Wake]

I think the fear of asking women out is absurd in retrospect, because you don't want to live with regrets over what could have been.

 

[Bonzi]

I think the fear of asking women out is absurd in retrospect, because you don't want to live with regrets over what could have been.

Like anything else, the more you do it, the easier it gets. You just have to be happy with who you are.
I'm married and yet still, there are many things my husband doesn't like about me (and vice versa) - hopefully, you can find someone you like many things about and have common interests. (And of course, find physically attractive!)

 

[Wolfsister77]

That article has it wrong. Indifference is not the answer. You really need to be yourself and not study up on what to do in regards to women. Putting on an act will never help you attract the right woman.