Blackrook
Diamond Member
- Jun 20, 2014
- 21,322
- 11,025
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Tonight, I was playing Dungeons & Dragons with my son and his friends. Between sessions, we got into a discussion about religion. My son went into a spiel about Jesus. He said that after Jesus died, he came down the elevator from Earth down to purgatory. He reprogrammed the computer and changed all the rules of the universe. The switch for what happens to unbaptized babies he left in the middle somewhere between heaven and purgatory, so no one could tell where it was. Then he went on to explain that changing water to wine, walking on water, and raise dead were spells in the Players Handbook, and that Jesus never cast any spells higher than a ninth level cleric.
I went into a dark and terrible mood. Later that night, my son took me home. I explained to him that what he had said made me feel that everything I believed, the entire Catholic religion, was a ridiculous theory that couldn't be proved. I told him that I needed the Catholic religion, since I had nothing else but heaven to look forward to. I broke down in tears and my son comforted me. He told me he hadn't been mocking the Catholic religion, just trying to explain in a way his friends would understand. Then he went home.
So I have made a decision.
I have spoken on this forum about how I am divorced and my Catholic faith forbids me to remarry unless I get an annulment.
I have spoken of my disillusionment with the Pope and the bishops.
I have spoken about how the sex scandal has made it hard to be a Catholic.
I have said the Catholic faith is leaving me, I'm not leaving the Catholic religion.
Now I have come to a decision.
I have dallied long enough at the doorway of the Catholic Church, trying to figure out whether to leave permanently or come back inside.
Now, I finally realize that there is no choice for me at all. I must remain a Catholic because if I leave the Church I give up my hope for heaven, and that would be unbearable to me.
And if I go back, I must go all the way back. I must accept all of it, because there's no accepting parts and rejecting other parts. The Catholic faith is either true or untrue, there is no middle ground where part of it is true and part of it isn't.
And the hardest part is I must give up the search for a woman to replace my wife. I cannot remarry, even though it means I will be alone for the rest of my life.
The alternative is finding such a woman, having a relationship with her, and believing I was in a state of adultery. That would be torment to me, and it wouldn't be fair to the woman.
You will note that I called the woman I was married to my wife, because in the eyes of Church, and the eyes of God, we are still married.
It was a sin not to fight for our marriage when she decided to leave me, because now she lives in a state of adultery. According to Jesus, when a man divorces his wife, he is forcing her to commit adultery, so her sin is also on him.
Knowing that, it is my duty as a Catholic to tell my wife that if she ever decides to leave her boyfriend, I will take her back.
All of this may seem weird to you, but it wasn't that long ago that every Christian believed that marriage was for life, and that divorce was impossible for a Christian couple.
Now, every Christian denomination except the Catholic Church allows divorce.
The Episcopalians have made it their mission to recruit divorced Catholics and give them a Catholic-lite experience that will make these Catholics feel they haven't really gone that far away from being Catholic.
The whole thing is a scam. The words of Jesus in the Bible can't be erased by men and women agreeing that sin is no longer sin.
And because I know the truth, I can't go down this road, because if I did, I'd be living a lie and giving up my hope for heaven.
I could get an annulment, but I still feel this is a corrupt practice that the Catholic Church engages in because the bishops want to keep divorced Catholics from leaving. Perhaps, if I spoke to a priest, he could explain it to me and change my mind.
What this means is a radical change in my way of doing things.
I will cancel my subscription to Match.com and other dating websites.
I will no longer date women looking for a replacement for my wife.
I will broach the delicate subject to my wife that I am willing to do what I can to repair our marriage, if that's what she wants. I don't expect her to want to repair our marriage in the immediate future, but maybe some day she will change her mind.
The reason I'm doing this is because there is no other choice for me.
Some people can close off their mind to logic, but I can't.
If the Catholic Church teaches the truth, and I believe it does, I must accept all of the truth or lose my chance for heaven.
After experiencing doubt tonight during my son's little spiel about Jesus on the elevator, I realize that I can't live without my faith.
I simply cannot live knowing that the way I'm living will mean I end up in hell.
If you are not Catholic, you might not understand any of this.
If you are Catholic, I hope that you will understand.
The Pope, the bishops, the priests, many of them are no longer fighting for the truth the Catholic Church stands for.
But that is no excuse for me. I must fight for the truth, in my own life.
My soul is my most precious possession. If I don't fight to save it, who will?
I went into a dark and terrible mood. Later that night, my son took me home. I explained to him that what he had said made me feel that everything I believed, the entire Catholic religion, was a ridiculous theory that couldn't be proved. I told him that I needed the Catholic religion, since I had nothing else but heaven to look forward to. I broke down in tears and my son comforted me. He told me he hadn't been mocking the Catholic religion, just trying to explain in a way his friends would understand. Then he went home.
So I have made a decision.
I have spoken on this forum about how I am divorced and my Catholic faith forbids me to remarry unless I get an annulment.
I have spoken of my disillusionment with the Pope and the bishops.
I have spoken about how the sex scandal has made it hard to be a Catholic.
I have said the Catholic faith is leaving me, I'm not leaving the Catholic religion.
Now I have come to a decision.
I have dallied long enough at the doorway of the Catholic Church, trying to figure out whether to leave permanently or come back inside.
Now, I finally realize that there is no choice for me at all. I must remain a Catholic because if I leave the Church I give up my hope for heaven, and that would be unbearable to me.
And if I go back, I must go all the way back. I must accept all of it, because there's no accepting parts and rejecting other parts. The Catholic faith is either true or untrue, there is no middle ground where part of it is true and part of it isn't.
And the hardest part is I must give up the search for a woman to replace my wife. I cannot remarry, even though it means I will be alone for the rest of my life.
The alternative is finding such a woman, having a relationship with her, and believing I was in a state of adultery. That would be torment to me, and it wouldn't be fair to the woman.
You will note that I called the woman I was married to my wife, because in the eyes of Church, and the eyes of God, we are still married.
It was a sin not to fight for our marriage when she decided to leave me, because now she lives in a state of adultery. According to Jesus, when a man divorces his wife, he is forcing her to commit adultery, so her sin is also on him.
Knowing that, it is my duty as a Catholic to tell my wife that if she ever decides to leave her boyfriend, I will take her back.
All of this may seem weird to you, but it wasn't that long ago that every Christian believed that marriage was for life, and that divorce was impossible for a Christian couple.
Now, every Christian denomination except the Catholic Church allows divorce.
The Episcopalians have made it their mission to recruit divorced Catholics and give them a Catholic-lite experience that will make these Catholics feel they haven't really gone that far away from being Catholic.
The whole thing is a scam. The words of Jesus in the Bible can't be erased by men and women agreeing that sin is no longer sin.
And because I know the truth, I can't go down this road, because if I did, I'd be living a lie and giving up my hope for heaven.
I could get an annulment, but I still feel this is a corrupt practice that the Catholic Church engages in because the bishops want to keep divorced Catholics from leaving. Perhaps, if I spoke to a priest, he could explain it to me and change my mind.
What this means is a radical change in my way of doing things.
I will cancel my subscription to Match.com and other dating websites.
I will no longer date women looking for a replacement for my wife.
I will broach the delicate subject to my wife that I am willing to do what I can to repair our marriage, if that's what she wants. I don't expect her to want to repair our marriage in the immediate future, but maybe some day she will change her mind.
The reason I'm doing this is because there is no other choice for me.
Some people can close off their mind to logic, but I can't.
If the Catholic Church teaches the truth, and I believe it does, I must accept all of the truth or lose my chance for heaven.
After experiencing doubt tonight during my son's little spiel about Jesus on the elevator, I realize that I can't live without my faith.
I simply cannot live knowing that the way I'm living will mean I end up in hell.
If you are not Catholic, you might not understand any of this.
If you are Catholic, I hope that you will understand.
The Pope, the bishops, the priests, many of them are no longer fighting for the truth the Catholic Church stands for.
But that is no excuse for me. I must fight for the truth, in my own life.
My soul is my most precious possession. If I don't fight to save it, who will?