USMB Coffee Shop IV

[gallantwarrior]

Question, guys.
There are many of us right now who are sharing difficulties with wives, husbands, partners, etc. While one partner undergoes difficulties, the other must power through and be the pillar of strength for both. Does the strength to do this come from the "pillar"? I'm wondering because I am feeling a bit depressed and overwhelmed by my situation right now. And the partner is focused on me handling some of those things his medical issues have incurred. Knowing that if I give in to the feelings that flow through me means we will both fail does make me more determined to do what has to be done, but it doesn't make it easier.
Sorry about being a downer right now. I have to call a few more banks. My partner seems to have been very free with credit. Now, we have no idea how long he'll be off work, or if he'll ever be able to go back to a job. Our finances have been separate but now I find myself faced with covering his bills as well as mine.

I just saw this GW. And so wish there was more to do than just send positive thoughts and encouragement. We are dealing too with a friend who is a chronic hoarder. A person of considerable means, this person has completely exhausted all liquid assets--hundreds of thousands of dollars--and run up a tremendous crushing debt ordering, ordering ordering stuff from Amazon, or QVC, or Ebay, or whatever is advertised on TV or that pops up on the computer or is offered at any sites people frequent. And due to the very real mental illness that causes this syndrome, this person is incapable of seeing that home is nothing but a path through piles of mostly unopened shipping boxes mixed in with a lot of useless crap that will not be parted with. The person is incapable of seeing how this is a problem or stopping the behavior until credit is so shot there is no way to continue it. I don't know what happens then.

I am a certified counselor in addictions trained to help mostly co-dependent people. But this kind of problem is way over my head. I don't have a clue how to approach it.

Gracie ran into this kind of thing with a landlord in Paradise too.

One thing I would strongly counsel is get whatever help you can while he is laid up to make sure you are not encumbered by any of your partner's debt. I appreciate that you feel you need to pay his bills, but that might not be the way to go if he just continues to accrue debt. He will break you both.

Also be kind and gentle with yourself. Unrelenting stress certainly triggers depression in me. I suppose it does for most people. So understand it but do what you need to do to not let it get to you to the point you are seriously damaged. And I figure you know that. Sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission to do the prudent thing.

Okay enough dutch aunt lecturing from Mama Fox and just hoping all this soon passes for you.

Actually, being lectured helps because it's comforting.
Fortunately, my partner is not a "buyer" type hoarder. He collects junk. i.e. When they cycle the ladders at work, which they do frequently for safety reasons, he brings them home because he can fix them. I recently found someone to take several of the 55 gallon drums off my hands. I'm not sure what he wanted to do with those. The junk cars are the worst but I have a phone number for someone who might just drag they away. The S10 in town is going away, for sure. Now that I've collected and stacked up the 3 dozen tires and wheels I might be able to sell some of those. There are two sets of tires on rims for the Jeep with the blown engine. One set has brand new tires, the other has slightly worn tires on some fancy Jeep wheels.
You're right about covering his bills. But we do jointly own two pieces of real property and two of the three vehicles are in both our names. I have to call the finance companies and see whether we can skip a payment, or two. I've been sifting through piles of paper, trying to make some sense of his mess. He never throws any mail or other papers away. These just pile up and make drifts of trash on furniture and in corners of the house. He's assigned me his agent with a power of attorney. I collected his wallet and other instruments of credit last time I went by the hospital. Finances are going to be tight, though.
I regret having to cancel my hip surgery. I was looking forward to relief from the pain. Guess I'll just have to tough it out. Once the pard comes out of hospital and we have a better idea about his prognosis, I hope to reschedule.
Yesterday, one of my co-workers came out. He bought and butchered one of the biggest goats and then we passed some time just relaxing and chatting. It was pleasant just to have company.

 

[gallantwarrior]

Question, guys.
There are many of us right now who are sharing difficulties with wives, husbands, partners, etc. While one partner undergoes difficulties, the other must power through and be the pillar of strength for both. Does the strength to do this come from the "pillar"? I'm wondering because I am feeling a bit depressed and overwhelmed by my situation right now. And the partner is focused on me handling some of those things his medical issues have incurred. Knowing that if I give in to the feelings that flow through me means we will both fail does make me more determined to do what has to be done, but it doesn't make it easier.
Sorry about being a downer right now. I have to call a few more banks. My partner seems to have been very free with credit. Now, we have no idea how long he'll be off work, or if he'll ever be able to go back to a job. Our finances have been separate but now I find myself faced with covering his bills as well as mine.

It does get overwhelming and easily get depressed from the pressures. Hang in there, it will get better. I think everyone has 'been there, done that' to some extent or another. It's ok to give in to those feelings, as women know, we just have a good cry to get it out, then start picking up the pieces & move on.

Instead of you paying his bills......can you talk with him to see about selling some of his stuff to pay his own? It may not go over well with him to part with anything, but if he understands HIS financial responsibilities, he might relent. Don't offer to pay his bills, but keep the finances separate......if you possibly can. It may seem harsh right now in his situation, but you don't want to set yourself up to enable his hoarding in the future....or any other kind of financial dependence. Does that make sense?

Oh, he'll be selling stuff, he just won't know what. I have discovered over the years that he has so much junk that he really doesn't know what he has. If I can get stuff onto the trailer and out to the dump without him seeing what's in the load, he never even mentions what's missing. Junk cars are a little more difficult, though. Right now, I could use at least one more day a week.

 

[JustAnotherNut]

Question, guys.
There are many of us right now who are sharing difficulties with wives, husbands, partners, etc. While one partner undergoes difficulties, the other must power through and be the pillar of strength for both. Does the strength to do this come from the "pillar"? I'm wondering because I am feeling a bit depressed and overwhelmed by my situation right now. And the partner is focused on me handling some of those things his medical issues have incurred. Knowing that if I give in to the feelings that flow through me means we will both fail does make me more determined to do what has to be done, but it doesn't make it easier.
Sorry about being a downer right now. I have to call a few more banks. My partner seems to have been very free with credit. Now, we have no idea how long he'll be off work, or if he'll ever be able to go back to a job. Our finances have been separate but now I find myself faced with covering his bills as well as mine.

It does get overwhelming and easily get depressed from the pressures. Hang in there, it will get better. I think everyone has 'been there, done that' to some extent or another. It's ok to give in to those feelings, as women know, we just have a good cry to get it out, then start picking up the pieces & move on.

Instead of you paying his bills......can you talk with him to see about selling some of his stuff to pay his own? It may not go over well with him to part with anything, but if he understands HIS financial responsibilities, he might relent. Don't offer to pay his bills, but keep the finances separate......if you possibly can. It may seem harsh right now in his situation, but you don't want to set yourself up to enable his hoarding in the future....or any other kind of financial dependence. Does that make sense?

Oh, he'll be selling stuff, he just won't know what. I have discovered over the years that he has so much junk that he really doesn't know what he has. If I can get stuff onto the trailer and out to the dump without him seeing what's in the load, he never even mentions what's missing. Junk cars are a little more difficult, though. Right now, I could use at least one more day a week.

Yet taking it to the dump isn't bringing any financial return...…...is any of it possibly worth anything and sellable? You'd be surprised what people will pay good money for...….and especially those junk cars. Depending on their make/model & year, they could be a restoration project for someone else. Lots of people are members of collector car clubs that enjoy picking up a pile of junk and restoring it for a classy car show...…...although cars do come with titles and you couldn't sell it without the partner signing off unless he never transferred it

 

[JustAnotherNut]

Question, guys.
There are many of us right now who are sharing difficulties with wives, husbands, partners, etc. While one partner undergoes difficulties, the other must power through and be the pillar of strength for both. Does the strength to do this come from the "pillar"? I'm wondering because I am feeling a bit depressed and overwhelmed by my situation right now. And the partner is focused on me handling some of those things his medical issues have incurred. Knowing that if I give in to the feelings that flow through me means we will both fail does make me more determined to do what has to be done, but it doesn't make it easier.
Sorry about being a downer right now. I have to call a few more banks. My partner seems to have been very free with credit. Now, we have no idea how long he'll be off work, or if he'll ever be able to go back to a job. Our finances have been separate but now I find myself faced with covering his bills as well as mine.

I just saw this GW. And so wish there was more to do than just send positive thoughts and encouragement. We are dealing too with a friend who is a chronic hoarder. A person of considerable means, this person has completely exhausted all liquid assets--hundreds of thousands of dollars--and run up a tremendous crushing debt ordering, ordering ordering stuff from Amazon, or QVC, or Ebay, or whatever is advertised on TV or that pops up on the computer or is offered at any sites people frequent. And due to the very real mental illness that causes this syndrome, this person is incapable of seeing that home is nothing but a path through piles of mostly unopened shipping boxes mixed in with a lot of useless crap that will not be parted with. The person is incapable of seeing how this is a problem or stopping the behavior until credit is so shot there is no way to continue it. I don't know what happens then.

I am a certified counselor in addictions trained to help mostly co-dependent people. But this kind of problem is way over my head. I don't have a clue how to approach it.

Gracie ran into this kind of thing with a landlord in Paradise too.

One thing I would strongly counsel is get whatever help you can while he is laid up to make sure you are not encumbered by any of your partner's debt. I appreciate that you feel you need to pay his bills, but that might not be the way to go if he just continues to accrue debt. He will break you both.

Also be kind and gentle with yourself. Unrelenting stress certainly triggers depression in me. I suppose it does for most people. So understand it but do what you need to do to not let it get to you to the point you are seriously damaged. And I figure you know that. Sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission to do the prudent thing.

Okay enough dutch aunt lecturing from Mama Fox and just hoping all this soon passes for you.

Actually, being lectured helps because it's comforting.
Fortunately, my partner is not a "buyer" type hoarder. He collects junk. i.e. When they cycle the ladders at work, which they do frequently for safety reasons, he brings them home because he can fix them. I recently found someone to take several of the 55 gallon drums off my hands. I'm not sure what he wanted to do with those. The junk cars are the worst but I have a phone number for someone who might just drag they away. The S10 in town is going away, for sure. Now that I've collected and stacked up the 3 dozen tires and wheels I might be able to sell some of those. There are two sets of tires on rims for the Jeep with the blown engine. One set has brand new tires, the other has slightly worn tires on some fancy Jeep wheels.
You're right about covering his bills. But we do jointly own two pieces of real property and two of the three vehicles are in both our names. I have to call the finance companies and see whether we can skip a payment, or two. I've been sifting through piles of paper, trying to make some sense of his mess. He never throws any mail or other papers away. These just pile up and make drifts of trash on furniture and in corners of the house. He's assigned me his agent with a power of attorney. I collected his wallet and other instruments of credit last time I went by the hospital. Finances are going to be tight, though.
I regret having to cancel my hip surgery. I was looking forward to relief from the pain. Guess I'll just have to tough it out. Once the pard comes out of hospital and we have a better idea about his prognosis, I hope to reschedule.
Yesterday, one of my co-workers came out. He bought and butchered one of the biggest goats and then we passed some time just relaxing and chatting. It was pleasant just to have company.

Another thing about junk cars...…..if they're not sellable as a whole, sometimes they can bring more money if parted out...….but it can take a little longer to do so.

Just throwing out ideas

 

[Dajjal]

 

[Foxfyre]

Question, guys.
There are many of us right now who are sharing difficulties with wives, husbands, partners, etc. While one partner undergoes difficulties, the other must power through and be the pillar of strength for both. Does the strength to do this come from the "pillar"? I'm wondering because I am feeling a bit depressed and overwhelmed by my situation right now. And the partner is focused on me handling some of those things his medical issues have incurred. Knowing that if I give in to the feelings that flow through me means we will both fail does make me more determined to do what has to be done, but it doesn't make it easier.
Sorry about being a downer right now. I have to call a few more banks. My partner seems to have been very free with credit. Now, we have no idea how long he'll be off work, or if he'll ever be able to go back to a job. Our finances have been separate but now I find myself faced with covering his bills as well as mine.

I just saw this GW. And so wish there was more to do than just send positive thoughts and encouragement. We are dealing too with a friend who is a chronic hoarder. A person of considerable means, this person has completely exhausted all liquid assets--hundreds of thousands of dollars--and run up a tremendous crushing debt ordering, ordering ordering stuff from Amazon, or QVC, or Ebay, or whatever is advertised on TV or that pops up on the computer or is offered at any sites people frequent. And due to the very real mental illness that causes this syndrome, this person is incapable of seeing that home is nothing but a path through piles of mostly unopened shipping boxes mixed in with a lot of useless crap that will not be parted with. The person is incapable of seeing how this is a problem or stopping the behavior until credit is so shot there is no way to continue it. I don't know what happens then.

I am a certified counselor in addictions trained to help mostly co-dependent people. But this kind of problem is way over my head. I don't have a clue how to approach it.

Gracie ran into this kind of thing with a landlord in Paradise too.

One thing I would strongly counsel is get whatever help you can while he is laid up to make sure you are not encumbered by any of your partner's debt. I appreciate that you feel you need to pay his bills, but that might not be the way to go if he just continues to accrue debt. He will break you both.

Also be kind and gentle with yourself. Unrelenting stress certainly triggers depression in me. I suppose it does for most people. So understand it but do what you need to do to not let it get to you to the point you are seriously damaged. And I figure you know that. Sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission to do the prudent thing.

Okay enough dutch aunt lecturing from Mama Fox and just hoping all this soon passes for you.

Actually, being lectured helps because it's comforting.
Fortunately, my partner is not a "buyer" type hoarder. He collects junk. i.e. When they cycle the ladders at work, which they do frequently for safety reasons, he brings them home because he can fix them. I recently found someone to take several of the 55 gallon drums off my hands. I'm not sure what he wanted to do with those. The junk cars are the worst but I have a phone number for someone who might just drag they away. The S10 in town is going away, for sure. Now that I've collected and stacked up the 3 dozen tires and wheels I might be able to sell some of those. There are two sets of tires on rims for the Jeep with the blown engine. One set has brand new tires, the other has slightly worn tires on some fancy Jeep wheels.
You're right about covering his bills. But we do jointly own two pieces of real property and two of the three vehicles are in both our names. I have to call the finance companies and see whether we can skip a payment, or two. I've been sifting through piles of paper, trying to make some sense of his mess. He never throws any mail or other papers away. These just pile up and make drifts of trash on furniture and in corners of the house. He's assigned me his agent with a power of attorney. I collected his wallet and other instruments of credit last time I went by the hospital. Finances are going to be tight, though.
I regret having to cancel my hip surgery. I was looking forward to relief from the pain. Guess I'll just have to tough it out. Once the pard comes out of hospital and we have a better idea about his prognosis, I hope to reschedule.
Yesterday, one of my co-workers came out. He bought and butchered one of the biggest goats and then we passed some time just relaxing and chatting. It was pleasant just to have company.

Another thing about junk cars...…..if they're not sellable as a whole, sometimes they can bring more money if parted out...….but it can take a little longer to do so.

Just throwing out ideas

Here in Albuquerque there are charities that accept donations of cars, junkers, running, not running whatever. They don't pay you anything for them but will give you a receipt for a nice write off on your taxes. And best of all they haul them off to wherever for you. Maybe Anchorage has something similar?

 

[Foxfyre]

 

[JustAnotherNut]

Question, guys.
There are many of us right now who are sharing difficulties with wives, husbands, partners, etc. While one partner undergoes difficulties, the other must power through and be the pillar of strength for both. Does the strength to do this come from the "pillar"? I'm wondering because I am feeling a bit depressed and overwhelmed by my situation right now. And the partner is focused on me handling some of those things his medical issues have incurred. Knowing that if I give in to the feelings that flow through me means we will both fail does make me more determined to do what has to be done, but it doesn't make it easier.
Sorry about being a downer right now. I have to call a few more banks. My partner seems to have been very free with credit. Now, we have no idea how long he'll be off work, or if he'll ever be able to go back to a job. Our finances have been separate but now I find myself faced with covering his bills as well as mine.

I just saw this GW. And so wish there was more to do than just send positive thoughts and encouragement. We are dealing too with a friend who is a chronic hoarder. A person of considerable means, this person has completely exhausted all liquid assets--hundreds of thousands of dollars--and run up a tremendous crushing debt ordering, ordering ordering stuff from Amazon, or QVC, or Ebay, or whatever is advertised on TV or that pops up on the computer or is offered at any sites people frequent. And due to the very real mental illness that causes this syndrome, this person is incapable of seeing that home is nothing but a path through piles of mostly unopened shipping boxes mixed in with a lot of useless crap that will not be parted with. The person is incapable of seeing how this is a problem or stopping the behavior until credit is so shot there is no way to continue it. I don't know what happens then.

I am a certified counselor in addictions trained to help mostly co-dependent people. But this kind of problem is way over my head. I don't have a clue how to approach it.

Gracie ran into this kind of thing with a landlord in Paradise too.

One thing I would strongly counsel is get whatever help you can while he is laid up to make sure you are not encumbered by any of your partner's debt. I appreciate that you feel you need to pay his bills, but that might not be the way to go if he just continues to accrue debt. He will break you both.

Also be kind and gentle with yourself. Unrelenting stress certainly triggers depression in me. I suppose it does for most people. So understand it but do what you need to do to not let it get to you to the point you are seriously damaged. And I figure you know that. Sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission to do the prudent thing.

Okay enough dutch aunt lecturing from Mama Fox and just hoping all this soon passes for you.

Actually, being lectured helps because it's comforting.
Fortunately, my partner is not a "buyer" type hoarder. He collects junk. i.e. When they cycle the ladders at work, which they do frequently for safety reasons, he brings them home because he can fix them. I recently found someone to take several of the 55 gallon drums off my hands. I'm not sure what he wanted to do with those. The junk cars are the worst but I have a phone number for someone who might just drag they away. The S10 in town is going away, for sure. Now that I've collected and stacked up the 3 dozen tires and wheels I might be able to sell some of those. There are two sets of tires on rims for the Jeep with the blown engine. One set has brand new tires, the other has slightly worn tires on some fancy Jeep wheels.
You're right about covering his bills. But we do jointly own two pieces of real property and two of the three vehicles are in both our names. I have to call the finance companies and see whether we can skip a payment, or two. I've been sifting through piles of paper, trying to make some sense of his mess. He never throws any mail or other papers away. These just pile up and make drifts of trash on furniture and in corners of the house. He's assigned me his agent with a power of attorney. I collected his wallet and other instruments of credit last time I went by the hospital. Finances are going to be tight, though.
I regret having to cancel my hip surgery. I was looking forward to relief from the pain. Guess I'll just have to tough it out. Once the pard comes out of hospital and we have a better idea about his prognosis, I hope to reschedule.
Yesterday, one of my co-workers came out. He bought and butchered one of the biggest goats and then we passed some time just relaxing and chatting. It was pleasant just to have company.

Another thing about junk cars...…..if they're not sellable as a whole, sometimes they can bring more money if parted out...….but it can take a little longer to do so.

Just throwing out ideas

Here in Albuquerque there are charities that accept donations of cars, junkers, running, not running whatever. They don't pay you anything for them but will give you a receipt for a nice write off on your taxes. And best of all they haul them off to wherever for you. Maybe Anchorage has something similar?

Yes I think we have something similar here as well. Plus you can call a junk yard to come get the vehicle and they'll pay, just not very much and also depends on the vehicle. But if GW &/or his partner can sell it themselves, either as a whole or parted out, they'll make more money to pay the partners bills.

 

[Foxfyre]

Good night darlinks. I really do love you guys.
And we continue to pray and/or send good vibes and/or positive thoughts and/or keep vigil for:

Harper
Pogo’s friend Pat and special comfort for Pogo,
Wellness for Foxfyre's sister and Hombre's sister
Montrovant for continued progress in his transition.
JustAnotherNut for strength and wisdom dealing with challenges.
Gracie & Mr. G in difficult transition and for positive trend to continue.
Seagal and Mr. Seagal.
Peach for healing
Ringel for healing and Mrs. R facing serious health challenges in difficult transition
Beautress for wellness
Kat for wellness
GallantWarrior for pain relief and healing in advance of surgery.
Rod, GW's partner for recovery and help for GW dealing with that.
All those we love and care about who aren't on the list.

And we keep the porch light on so that those who have been away can find their way back.

July 18--On this day in history. . .In 1938, Douglas 'wrong way" Corrigan took off from New York City headed for California. Twenty Eight hours later he landed in Ireland.

Douglas "Wrong Way" Corrigan with his "Sunshine", at Baldonnel Aerodrome, Ireland

I guess it is just in guys' DNA to not ask for directions.

 

[Ernie S.]

Still alive, folks. Been involved elsewhere on the forum which has only reinforced the value of the Coffee Shop. People are calling establish facts, lies because the facts destroy their long held beliefs. Nothing new really.

 

[Dajjal]

I saw on television yesterday that some old movie posters were sold for thousands of pounds. I remembered I have a copy of a 2001 a space odyssey original poster somewhere. But so far I have been unable to find it. I searched the internet and found many posters for sale, but not the early one I have. So it could well be valuable.
I will have to search through a lot of stuff to try and find it.

 

[Ringel05]

Signing off from Roswell, hopefully for the last time..........

 

[gallantwarrior]

Question, guys.
There are many of us right now who are sharing difficulties with wives, husbands, partners, etc. While one partner undergoes difficulties, the other must power through and be the pillar of strength for both. Does the strength to do this come from the "pillar"? I'm wondering because I am feeling a bit depressed and overwhelmed by my situation right now. And the partner is focused on me handling some of those things his medical issues have incurred. Knowing that if I give in to the feelings that flow through me means we will both fail does make me more determined to do what has to be done, but it doesn't make it easier.
Sorry about being a downer right now. I have to call a few more banks. My partner seems to have been very free with credit. Now, we have no idea how long he'll be off work, or if he'll ever be able to go back to a job. Our finances have been separate but now I find myself faced with covering his bills as well as mine.

It does get overwhelming and easily get depressed from the pressures. Hang in there, it will get better. I think everyone has 'been there, done that' to some extent or another. It's ok to give in to those feelings, as women know, we just have a good cry to get it out, then start picking up the pieces & move on.

Instead of you paying his bills......can you talk with him to see about selling some of his stuff to pay his own? It may not go over well with him to part with anything, but if he understands HIS financial responsibilities, he might relent. Don't offer to pay his bills, but keep the finances separate......if you possibly can. It may seem harsh right now in his situation, but you don't want to set yourself up to enable his hoarding in the future....or any other kind of financial dependence. Does that make sense?

Oh, he'll be selling stuff, he just won't know what. I have discovered over the years that he has so much junk that he really doesn't know what he has. If I can get stuff onto the trailer and out to the dump without him seeing what's in the load, he never even mentions what's missing. Junk cars are a little more difficult, though. Right now, I could use at least one more day a week.

Yet taking it to the dump isn't bringing any financial return...…...is any of it possibly worth anything and sellable? You'd be surprised what people will pay good money for...….and especially those junk cars. Depending on their make/model & year, they could be a restoration project for someone else. Lots of people are members of collector car clubs that enjoy picking up a pile of junk and restoring it for a classy car show...…...although cars do come with titles and you couldn't sell it without the partner signing off unless he never transferred it

The S10 belongs to my daughter and the title has been lost for years. It's nothing special and I prefer to donate it than to try and sell it. The tires/wheels are worth a lot and I plan on selling a couple of sets. Unfortunately, my partner is well aware of the really nice Jeep mag wheels that might bring a decent price. Most of his stuff is junk, just junk. He picks up things that are already broken and a lot of things that might have had some worth are worthless because they've laid out in the weather for years. He salvaged a really nice parts bin, a large steel shelf with lots of small drawers. He cut it with a torch to get it into the truck and then stacked all those drawers with the open tops so they gathered snow or rain. The whole mess was so rusted by the time I was able to smuggle it to the dump... Then there are the lawn chairs. Clothe rotten, frames rusted, but he knows he can fix them. Same with the ladders with cracked aluminum and separated carbon fibers. The fold-away bed frame and mattress salvaged from an old couch and the replacement furniture he was going to install it in. Mattress and upholstery rotted, frame rusted... I could go on... Rest assured, if there are some things I might use to raise money, I will sell them. I have to set up a Craigslist account and take some pictures. Do you know anyone who might want four expedition grade llama pack saddles, frames and panniers, used but in good condition?

You know, this might be a good time to rent that Red Box and put it in the driveway, as soon as the S10 is gone, I'll have space. Of course, that means I'll have to devote a couple of hours a day to tossing stuff. Hours I just don't have!

 

[gallantwarrior]

Just looked into renting a dumpster. Ran across the possibility of hiring a junk removal company. I'll have to see whether I can scrounge up a couple hundred dollars but it might be worth the cost. Quicker and the more crap I can make disappear before boyo gets out of hospital, the better off I'll be. Thanks for the idea, guys (and gals)!

 

[JustAnotherNut]

Question, guys.
There are many of us right now who are sharing difficulties with wives, husbands, partners, etc. While one partner undergoes difficulties, the other must power through and be the pillar of strength for both. Does the strength to do this come from the "pillar"? I'm wondering because I am feeling a bit depressed and overwhelmed by my situation right now. And the partner is focused on me handling some of those things his medical issues have incurred. Knowing that if I give in to the feelings that flow through me means we will both fail does make me more determined to do what has to be done, but it doesn't make it easier.
Sorry about being a downer right now. I have to call a few more banks. My partner seems to have been very free with credit. Now, we have no idea how long he'll be off work, or if he'll ever be able to go back to a job. Our finances have been separate but now I find myself faced with covering his bills as well as mine.

It does get overwhelming and easily get depressed from the pressures. Hang in there, it will get better. I think everyone has 'been there, done that' to some extent or another. It's ok to give in to those feelings, as women know, we just have a good cry to get it out, then start picking up the pieces & move on.

Instead of you paying his bills......can you talk with him to see about selling some of his stuff to pay his own? It may not go over well with him to part with anything, but if he understands HIS financial responsibilities, he might relent. Don't offer to pay his bills, but keep the finances separate......if you possibly can. It may seem harsh right now in his situation, but you don't want to set yourself up to enable his hoarding in the future....or any other kind of financial dependence. Does that make sense?

Oh, he'll be selling stuff, he just won't know what. I have discovered over the years that he has so much junk that he really doesn't know what he has. If I can get stuff onto the trailer and out to the dump without him seeing what's in the load, he never even mentions what's missing. Junk cars are a little more difficult, though. Right now, I could use at least one more day a week.

Yet taking it to the dump isn't bringing any financial return...…...is any of it possibly worth anything and sellable? You'd be surprised what people will pay good money for...….and especially those junk cars. Depending on their make/model & year, they could be a restoration project for someone else. Lots of people are members of collector car clubs that enjoy picking up a pile of junk and restoring it for a classy car show...…...although cars do come with titles and you couldn't sell it without the partner signing off unless he never transferred it

The S10 belongs to my daughter and the title has been lost for years. It's nothing special and I prefer to donate it than to try and sell it. The tires/wheels are worth a lot and I plan on selling a couple of sets. Unfortunately, my partner is well aware of the really nice Jeep mag wheels that might bring a decent price. Most of his stuff is junk, just junk. He picks up things that are already broken and a lot of things that might have had some worth are worthless because they've laid out in the weather for years. He salvaged a really nice parts bin, a large steel shelf with lots of small drawers. He cut it with a torch to get it into the truck and then stacked all those drawers with the open tops so they gathered snow or rain. The whole mess was so rusted by the time I was able to smuggle it to the dump... Then there are the lawn chairs. Clothe rotten, frames rusted, but he knows he can fix them. Same with the ladders with cracked aluminum and separated carbon fibers. The fold-away bed frame and mattress salvaged from an old couch and the replacement furniture he was going to install it in. Mattress and upholstery rotted, frame rusted... I could go on... Rest assured, if there are some things I might use to raise money, I will sell them. I have to set up a Craigslist account and take some pictures. Do you know anyone who might want four expedition grade llama pack saddles, frames and panniers, used but in good condition?

You know, this might be a good time to rent that Red Box and put it in the driveway, as soon as the S10 is gone, I'll have space. Of course, that means I'll have to devote a couple of hours a day to tossing stuff. Hours I just don't have!

I do understand. My husband wasn't really wasn't a hoarder nor did he collect junk, per se......but he'd buy or pick up stuff, sometimes use it or not, but when he was 'done' with it...would toss it out in the yard instead of getting rid of it. Or if it was still good, would leave it outside to get ruined in the weather...….like a whole box full of power tools that are now rusted. I'm not sure if I can clean them up & get them to work again or not.

Do you have a scrap metal recycler in your area? that may be another option for some of the metal parts

 

[gallantwarrior]

Question, guys.
There are many of us right now who are sharing difficulties with wives, husbands, partners, etc. While one partner undergoes difficulties, the other must power through and be the pillar of strength for both. Does the strength to do this come from the "pillar"? I'm wondering because I am feeling a bit depressed and overwhelmed by my situation right now. And the partner is focused on me handling some of those things his medical issues have incurred. Knowing that if I give in to the feelings that flow through me means we will both fail does make me more determined to do what has to be done, but it doesn't make it easier.
Sorry about being a downer right now. I have to call a few more banks. My partner seems to have been very free with credit. Now, we have no idea how long he'll be off work, or if he'll ever be able to go back to a job. Our finances have been separate but now I find myself faced with covering his bills as well as mine.

It does get overwhelming and easily get depressed from the pressures. Hang in there, it will get better. I think everyone has 'been there, done that' to some extent or another. It's ok to give in to those feelings, as women know, we just have a good cry to get it out, then start picking up the pieces & move on.

Instead of you paying his bills......can you talk with him to see about selling some of his stuff to pay his own? It may not go over well with him to part with anything, but if he understands HIS financial responsibilities, he might relent. Don't offer to pay his bills, but keep the finances separate......if you possibly can. It may seem harsh right now in his situation, but you don't want to set yourself up to enable his hoarding in the future....or any other kind of financial dependence. Does that make sense?

Oh, he'll be selling stuff, he just won't know what. I have discovered over the years that he has so much junk that he really doesn't know what he has. If I can get stuff onto the trailer and out to the dump without him seeing what's in the load, he never even mentions what's missing. Junk cars are a little more difficult, though. Right now, I could use at least one more day a week.

Yet taking it to the dump isn't bringing any financial return...…...is any of it possibly worth anything and sellable? You'd be surprised what people will pay good money for...….and especially those junk cars. Depending on their make/model & year, they could be a restoration project for someone else. Lots of people are members of collector car clubs that enjoy picking up a pile of junk and restoring it for a classy car show...…...although cars do come with titles and you couldn't sell it without the partner signing off unless he never transferred it

The S10 belongs to my daughter and the title has been lost for years. It's nothing special and I prefer to donate it than to try and sell it. The tires/wheels are worth a lot and I plan on selling a couple of sets. Unfortunately, my partner is well aware of the really nice Jeep mag wheels that might bring a decent price. Most of his stuff is junk, just junk. He picks up things that are already broken and a lot of things that might have had some worth are worthless because they've laid out in the weather for years. He salvaged a really nice parts bin, a large steel shelf with lots of small drawers. He cut it with a torch to get it into the truck and then stacked all those drawers with the open tops so they gathered snow or rain. The whole mess was so rusted by the time I was able to smuggle it to the dump... Then there are the lawn chairs. Clothe rotten, frames rusted, but he knows he can fix them. Same with the ladders with cracked aluminum and separated carbon fibers. The fold-away bed frame and mattress salvaged from an old couch and the replacement furniture he was going to install it in. Mattress and upholstery rotted, frame rusted... I could go on... Rest assured, if there are some things I might use to raise money, I will sell them. I have to set up a Craigslist account and take some pictures. Do you know anyone who might want four expedition grade llama pack saddles, frames and panniers, used but in good condition?

You know, this might be a good time to rent that Red Box and put it in the driveway, as soon as the S10 is gone, I'll have space. Of course, that means I'll have to devote a couple of hours a day to tossing stuff. Hours I just don't have!

I do understand. My husband wasn't really wasn't a hoarder nor did he collect junk, per se......but he'd buy or pick up stuff, sometimes use it or not, but when he was 'done' with it...would toss it out in the yard instead of getting rid of it. Or if it was still good, would leave it outside to get ruined in the weather...….like a whole box full of power tools that are now rusted. I'm not sure if I can clean them up & get them to work again or not.

Do you have a scrap metal recycler in your area? that may be another option for some of the metal parts

Not sure about a metal recycler. I'll look around.
Partner has loads of rusted tools lying about the yard. When I can, I just toss them. Some may be salvageable, some not, but I don't have the time to deal with them, neither does he. I've already put the pard on notice that I was going to start tossing stuff. I think he realizes that he may not be able to keep the house, it's too expensive and we couldn't rent it for the mortgage payment. If we could pull off a reverse mortgage, I have some prospects to act as caretakers.

 

[beautress]

GW wasn't kidding when he said it has been hot in Alaska

That's the most impervious-to-sprinkler moose I ever saw, Foxfyre. I just can't stop laughing!Thx!

 

[beautress]

Just came in from a couple of hours of mowing on the zero turn mower. For once nothing went wrong. Oops. Braggin' is bad luck here. I shouldn't invite trouble by saying anything good about anything mechanical I was or will be around. I have such a knack for something going wrong. Tonight I was just careful around the 10" tree stump the mower got grounded on till my brother got here and with a master's patience, released the mower from the X#@&% tree stump last week.

It felt like a steam bucket at first, but as the sun set in the west, it cooled off nice. Also, the evening does not seem to stir up so much flak from the wanna-be straw areas that grow in the 10-ft. areas between the rocky road and the blue fence. It's 1/10 of a mile up to the road, and that is a lot of mowing. Also got the acre directly around the house. Tomorrow, I have to mow some more. It keeps those black poisonous snakes down. I almost ran over one last week, but backed off. You never know when you may need a friend in the wild who knows you refused to hurt him when you had ample opportunity. Of course, a snake's a snake. Oh, well, I let him live. He will probably stay away from the fields for a while now that the rains have almost gone away. Okay, it did rain all night a couple of days ago, but that hotness of Texas in late July can drain a swamp in an afternoon.

Hope everybody has a stellar weekend. Best wishes to gallantwarrior and his partner. Prayers up for the health and happiness of you both, GW. And everyone else, too.

 

[Ringel05]

Oh well, not the last time, seems I misjudged the room I needed so it's back to Roswell next week with the truck and a 6X12 trailer. At least I can do some more much needed cleaning.

 

[Foxfyre]

Good night darlinks. I really do love you guys.
And we continue to pray and/or send good vibes and/or positive thoughts and/or keep vigil for:

Harper
Pogo’s friend Pat and special comfort for Pogo,
Wellness for Foxfyre's sister and Hombre's sister
Montrovant for continued progress in his transition.
JustAnotherNut for strength and wisdom dealing with challenges.
Gracie & Mr. G in difficult transition and for positive trend to continue.
Seagal and Mr. Seagal.
Peach for healing
Ringel for healing and Mrs. R facing serious health challenges in difficult transition
Beautress for wellness
Kat for wellness
GallantWarrior for pain relief and healing in advance of surgery.
Rod, GW's partner for recovery and help for GW dealing with that.
All those we love and care about who aren't on the list.

And we keep the porch light on so that those who have been away can find their way back.

On this day in history, July 20, 1969, 50 years ago, Neal Armstrong was the first human to walk on the surface of the moon.

Also in 1801 Elisha Brown Jr pressed a 1,235 pound cheese ball at his farm. Just in case you were wondering.