USMB Coffee Shop IV

[Foxfyre]

I'd chat further, but Bella (mom cat) seems antsy to use the computer.

So happy you're back Save and hope you'll stay awhile. The computer is a primary source of information, getting things done, and recreation for Hombre and me so it was necessary for us both to have one.

 

[Coyote]

Yes. Yes. Yes. I just asked Hombre if I could mention his sobriety--41 years now--in the Coffee Shop, and he said yes. It was through his dedication to the program and hands on work in AA that also got me involved with both AA and Al-anon. And that connection led me to take the training to become a counselor for the addictions myself--I worked with families of those addicted. I am not alcoholic but have absolutely no doubts, with my family history, that I would have been had I not gone on the wagon in solidarity with him all those years ago. Al-anon and all the education since gave me back a happy life--it took awhile--and also kept me from unintentionally throwing monkey wrenches into Hombre's journey with sobriety.

In all honesty, all Al-anon groups are not equal and you might need to shop around a bit to find a really good one. You will not be required to say a word other than your first name with brief information such as: "Hi, my name is Coyote and I'm just hear to listen for now." They will respect that and put no pressure whatsoever on you to participate until you want to--that can go on for weeks. And stay with it. Too many begin to feel uncomfortable or that it isn't working after awhile and drop out. Those feelings are a good indication that you need to be there. And one day, sometimes after days, sometimes weeks, sometime many months down the road, the light comes on. You get the program. And it changes your life for the better. Go once or twice a week at least at first if you can.

Hombre and I went into the 12-step programs at the same time but most Al-anons go long before their wives or husbands etc. go, more often than not without their spouses knowing. And invariably as you learn skills to let go and not try to control the problem--that is always counter productive and useless--and how passively you no longer allow the alcoholic in your life to push your buttons, manipulate your emotions and responses, you become happier. And when his methods are no longer working, it is a little push for him to get better and hopefully recognize he has a problem and needs help. And maybe just maybe he'll get help.

Meanwhile if you have an Amazon account, you can order the AA Big Book and also excellent Al-anon books in hard back, paperback, and on Kindle. Get both. It will help.

You and Hombre are amazing people thank you

I sorta looked for meetings, but they were online…a little out of my comfort zone but not impossible. They may be back in person now.

 

[Coyote]

The world only gets to go sideways so far before I step in. Fought a lot of battles over state control of our lives here in Michigan. Educating folks about the real science of Covid and how to really protect yourself. Real life action was needed. Now Putin strikes from afar and a message board is as far as I can fight.

The Coffee Shop citizenry have remained in my thoughts.

 

[Oddball]

I can so relate…my father was an alcoholic as is my husband, severe, and my brother has schizophrenia. I don’t think I ever dealt with our disfunction in truly healthy ways. I am also pretty private so it is extremely hard to reach out. For me, at least, I reached a point where I couldn’t deal with situations any more and I had to do something or crash. I started running to “deal” … it helps but how far can you really run? It is admittedly difficult. I haven’t reached out to Alanon yet, but that too would be a good choice. I want to be at peace.

I repeat: look for the positive intents....Look for the impulses that are supposedly keeping you safe.

As you ask yourself what it is what that positivity/safety issue is, accept the first answer that pops up...The subconscious doesn't lie, and allowing the conscious analytical mind to start hedging and fudging clouds the issue.....Unpacking the positivity/safety matter is an important step.

 

[Coyote]

I repeat: look for the positive intents....Look for the impulses that are supposedly keeping you safe.

As you ask yourself what it is what that positivity/safety issue is, accept the first answer that pops up...The subconscious doesn't lie, and allowing the conscious analytical mind to start hedging and fudging clouds the issue.....Unpacking the positivity/safety matter is an important step.

That is a good point but hard to unpack

 

[Oddball]

That is a good point but hard to unpack

Only hard if you believe it to be so.....Let go and trust yourself....The fellings that have kept you trapped are the ones that will release you.....The paradox is power.

 

[Oddball]

I don't all that much now in my senior years, but when I was younger I had frequent lucid dreams and enjoyed the big majority of them. If they weren't really pleasant they at least were really interesting. Gallantwarrior has often mentioned his lucid dreams too.

Try some vitamin B6 around bed time...Also, 8mg of galantamine taken after the routine trip to the loo in the wee hours is a helper.

 

[saveliberty]

We seem to be suffering from an lack of misinformation here in the coffee shop. To that end...the sky is falling!!!

 

[boedicca]

I just finished my first cup of coffee and am going to have some banana bread with the second.

 

[saveliberty]

I just finished my first cup of coffee and am going to have some banana bread with the second.

Out of juices here, so I had milk. Made waffles with the waffle maker, eggs and bacon. We will not eat until dinner (supper for the rest of you). Our bananas are fresh, so not time for banana bread yet.

 

[boedicca]

Out of juices here, so I had milk. Made waffles with the waffle maker, eggs and bacon. We will not eat until dinner (supper for the rest of you). Our bananas are fresh, so not time for banana bread yet.

We had some overripe bananas yesterday (from making Fish ala Banana earlier in the week). So I made two little loaves and some pizza sauce to use later this week. I think we're going to go to a late lunch after a long walk. It's gloriously sunny here today, although a tad brisk.

 

[boedicca]

That is a good point but hard to unpack

It is hard to unpack, but worth it in the end. My dad was the adult child of alcoholics. It took my siblings and I a long time to understand that that meant, and how it affected us. The pain can go on for generations.

 

[Foxfyre]

We had some overripe bananas yesterday (from making Fish ala Banana earlier in the week). So I made two little loaves and some pizza sauce to use later this week. I think we're going to go to a late lunch after a long walk. It's gloriously sunny here today, although a tad brisk.

Hey Boe, good to see you here. You put bananas in your pizza sauce? You cook your fish with bananas? More info please.

 

[boedicca]

Hey Boe, good to see you here. You put bananas in your pizza sauce? You cook your fish with bananas? More info please.

Unrelated, but I decided I might as well make the pizza sauce while the loaves were baking.

Fish ala Banana is what mr. boe and I call the "File of of Sole West Indies" from this cookbook:

Sign In | Eat Your Books

www.eatyourbooks.com

I bought the two book set at Costco years ago - some really lovely recipes, but FalaB is the best.

I'll transcribe the recipe into the food section someday, but basic steps are:

- mix flour, paprika, white pepper and salt
- dust the filets
- saute filets in melted butter then move to plates
- add white wine, fresh lemon juice, ginger powder, brown sugar to pan; cook over low heat
- add banana slices to pan after sauce has started to bubble
- cook sauce until it thickens a bit
- pour over fish
- top with toasted almonds

It is so freakin' good.

 

[Foxfyre]

It is hard to unpack, but worth it in the end. My dad was the adult child of alcoholics. It took my siblings and I a long time to understand that that meant, and how it affected us. The pain can go on for generations.

Yes. Alcoholism or most addictions are family diseases. The family members are conditioned to react and respond in specific ways without most being aware that is happening and the syndrome becomes comfortable in a way for them. Thus, though it may skip a generation, children of alcoholics who are not themselves susceptible to alcoholism--many will be genetically susceptible--are conditioned to react/respond in those specific ways and often are attracted to and marry others who are and/or those susceptible to alcoholism. And they often transfer this to the kids.

The 12-step programs or other such help can help break that syndrome.

Nobody intends to be an alcoholic and most don't think it even possible for them. It is possible to abuse and use alcohol to excess without being alcoholic. Most alcoholics are intelligent, successful, creative people and many have never had a DWI or lost a job. They were unaware when they crossed an invisible line into alcoholism and unaware that from that point on, whether steady drinkers or binge drinkers, they drank not necessarily to get a buzz but to feel normal. They believe they can stop any time they want to. It is a progressive disease however, it is destructive to relationships, and it will only get worse with time with severe mental and physical consequences not to mention much unnecessary pain and suffering for all involved.

 

[Foxfyre]

Unrelated, but I decided I might as well make the pizza sauce while the loaves were baking.

Fish ala Banana is what mr. boe and I call the "File of of Sole West Indies" from this cookbook:

Sign In | Eat Your Books

www.eatyourbooks.com

I bought the two book set at Costco years ago - some really lovely recipes, but FalaB is the best.

I'll transcribe the recipe into the food section someday, but basic steps are:

- mix flour, paprika, white pepper and salt
- dust the filets
- saute filets in melted butter then move to plates
- add white wine, fresh lemon juice, ginger powder, brown sugar to pan; cook over low heat
- add banana slices to pan after sauce has started to bubble
- cook sauce until it thickens a bit
- pour over fish
- top with toasted almonds

It is so freakin' good.

Oh my, that does sound good.

 

[Foxfyre]

Try some vitamin B6 around bed time...Also, 8mg of galantamine taken after the routine trip to the loo in the wee hours is a helper.

Is to to create lucid dreams?

 

[boedicca]

Oh my, that does sound good.

It makes for a nice, special dinner - but we often end up having it while sitting around in our sweats. Very romantic!

 

[Foxfyre]

I repeat: look for the positive intents....Look for the impulses that are supposedly keeping you safe.

As you ask yourself what it is what that positivity/safety issue is, accept the first answer that pops up...The subconscious doesn't lie, and allowing the conscious analytical mind to start hedging and fudging clouds the issue.....Unpacking the positivity/safety matter is an important step.

I so agree in most cases. The only problem is that the chemical dependent and co-dependents (usually family), develop a form of psychosis that, without help, makes it difficult to impossible to see what issues are at play. For instance I had no idea what controlling mechanisms I was using that were not making the situation better and often made it worse. Once the light came on, I was able to unpack all that and (usually) replace it with positive, helpful behavior. Win win for all.

 

[Foxfyre]