USMB Coffee Shop IV

Thing is, it is not deserved. It is a gift freely given to those who seek it. Again by grace, not earned. Certainly a source of neurotic behavior though. I try to start everyone back to forgiven each day. Yesterday is simply the past. We are living in the moment, which is what determines whether I am okay, happy or angry with a person for the day.
Well, I was speaking more generally.

However, if one doesn't believe that they deserve the gift, they won't seek it out.....Nor will they appreciate it if they happen to receive it by the luck of the draw.

If you believe you deserve the grace, you will both seek it out and appreciate it.
 
Self forgiveness is hard. Things have gotten so bad I finally broke down and got help. It is difficult though.
Behind every behavior -no matter how screwed up anyone may perceive it to be- is a positive intent.

What is it that you get out of not forgiving yourself?....What value(s) and/or rule(s), learned at an earlier age, have been adhered to by not forgiving yourself?....In what way have you been kept safe by not forgiving yourself?

Unpacking those questions should lend some insight.
 
Saturday morning!

This piece about lucid dreaming showed up in my feed today....Haven't had one of those in quite awhile....Foreshadowing?


On that note, let the cartoon begin!

 
Saturday morning!

This piece about lucid dreaming showed up in my feed today....Haven't had one of those in quite awhile....Foreshadowing?


On that note, let the cartoon begin!


I don't all that much now in my senior years, but when I was younger I had frequent lucid dreams and enjoyed the big majority of them. If they weren't really pleasant they at least were really interesting. Gallantwarrior has often mentioned his lucid dreams too.
 
6 Days in the hospital. Seems the stent within a stent that was just ballooned a month ago was in need of being ballooned again. They thought thee was nothing wrong both times. Maybe now they'll believe me when I tell them something isn't right. Feeling better though still tired. Glad to be back home. Had a "Veterans in the Classroom" this morning with a tenth grade History class. Love working with the kids....
Oh my Ollie. I didn't know but so glad you're okay now. Take care of yourself. We've all become fond of you you know.
 
General observation from someone more absent than on USMB. The attempts to reduce partisanship by heavily modding and creating safe spaces has failed. The place is more partisan and frankly dumbed down terribly. Traffic in the Coffee Shop has slowed too. Is it a function of people being uninterested in participating on the rest of the board?
The Coffee Shop will celebrate its 12th anniversary in May. Several of the old timers did drop off for whatever reason--some just for whatever reason didn't like it here? Some didn't like the new format of USMB. The whole country has been dreadfully partisan and divisive for some time now though we have been successful, with great assistance from the mods, at keeping almost all of that out of the Coffee Shop. When we don't fuss about political and religious differences of opinion and people don't trigger and get angry or defensive at any opportunity to do so, we can enjoy and appreciate people even if we don't agree with them about politics and/or religion etc. We discuss a lot of serious topics in here, but it's okay to sometimes just keep it light and have fun.

And every now and then one of those old timers checks back in and we all rejoice. :) We have a number of newbies that we have been enjoying getting to know too. They'll be old timers in no time.

But the Coffee Shop also has its ebb and flow. People get busy or focused on other things and don't check in here as much or at all for awhile. There will be days with almost no posts and then a flurry of activity filling several pages in a day. I used to fret about the slow periods, but I don't any more. It is the way of life and sometimes friends just don't have time to get together for awhile.
 
Looks like things are getting done and everyone here appears to be doing/getting better, myself included. Last week I did something that has lifted the tons of weight off my shoulders and the fog of darkness from my eyes. I forgave myself for being me.
Now I'm actively starting to get things done, slowly back to cleaning up this disaster I call home, exercising and eating much better (most of the time.......). :thup:
Well, if you had a problem with you, I'm glad the two of you got it worked out. You've always been okay to me. :)
 
Self forgiveness is hard. Things have gotten so bad I finally broke down and got help. It is difficult though.
Good for you. I am a child of alcoholics, both now gone, lost a nephew to alcoholism, and there is other active alcoholism and drug addiction in our family. So for me the help I needed, and finally was able to admit I needed, came through years of Al-anon. It was immensely helpful for my mind and soul to heal a bit, and taught me how to make some helpful attitude adjustments and healthier life choices. I'm nowhere near the person I wish I was, but at least I am at peace that the person I want to be probably doesn't exist.
 
Good for you. I am a child of alcoholics, both now gone, lost a nephew to alcoholism, and there is other active alcoholism and drug addiction in our family. So for me the help I needed, and finally was able to admit I needed, came through years of Al-anon. It was immensely helpful for my mind and soul to heal a bit, and taught me how to make some helpful attitude adjustments and healthier life choices. I'm nowhere near the person I wish I was, but at least I am at peace that the person I want to be probably doesn't exist.
I can so relate…my father was an alcoholic as is my husband, severe, and my brother has schizophrenia. I don’t think I ever dealt with our disfunction in truly healthy ways. I am also pretty private so it is extremely hard to reach out. For me, at least, I reached a point where I couldn’t deal with situations any more and I had to do something or crash. I started running to “deal” … it helps but how far can you really run? It is admittedly difficult. I haven’t reached out to Alanon yet, but that too would be a good choice. I want to be at peace.
 
I can so relate…my father was an alcoholic as is my husband, severe, and my brother has schizophrenia. I don’t think I ever dealt with our disfunction in truly healthy ways. I am also pretty private so it is extremely hard to reach out. For me, at least, I reached a point where I couldn’t deal with situations any more and I had to do something or crash. I started running to “deal” … it helps but how far can you really run? It is admittedly difficult. I haven’t reached out to Alanon yet, but that too would be a good choice. I want to be at peace.
At the end of church service the pastor says, "Go in peace, serve the Lord".

Sometimes being at peace is helping others. In my dark times it was my hope that I was important or worth something, because I could still help others. True peace is not of this world, but to whatever level we can, I wish that for you.
 
I can so relate…my father was an alcoholic as is my husband, severe, and my brother has schizophrenia. I don’t think I ever dealt with our disfunction in truly healthy ways. I am also pretty private so it is extremely hard to reach out. For me, at least, I reached a point where I couldn’t deal with situations any more and I had to do something or crash. I started running to “deal” … it helps but how far can you really run? It is admittedly difficult. I haven’t reached out to Alanon yet, but that too would be a good choice. I want to be at peace.

Yes. Yes. Yes. I just asked Hombre if I could mention his sobriety--41 years now--in the Coffee Shop, and he said yes. It was through his dedication to the program and hands on work in AA that also got me involved with both AA and Al-anon. And that connection led me to take the training to become a counselor for the addictions myself--I worked with families of those addicted. I am not alcoholic but have absolutely no doubts, with my family history, that I would have been had I not gone on the wagon in solidarity with him all those years ago. Al-anon and all the education since gave me back a happy life--it took awhile--and also kept me from unintentionally throwing monkey wrenches into Hombre's journey with sobriety.

In all honesty, all Al-anon groups are not equal and you might need to shop around a bit to find a really good one. You will not be required to say a word other than your first name with brief information such as: "Hi, my name is Coyote and I'm just hear to listen for now." They will respect that and put no pressure whatsoever on you to participate until you want to--that can go on for weeks. And stay with it. Too many begin to feel uncomfortable or that it isn't working after awhile and drop out. Those feelings are a good indication that you need to be there. And one day, sometimes after days, sometimes weeks, sometime many months down the road, the light comes on. You get the program. And it changes your life for the better. Go once or twice a week at least at first if you can.

Hombre and I went into the 12-step programs at the same time but most Al-anons go long before their wives or husbands etc. go, more often than not without their spouses knowing. And invariably as you learn skills to let go and not try to control the problem--that is always counter productive and useless--and how passively you no longer allow the alcoholic in your life to push your buttons, manipulate your emotions and responses, you become happier. And when his methods are no longer working, it is a little push for him to get better and hopefully recognize he has a problem and needs help. And maybe just maybe he'll get help.

Meanwhile if you have an Amazon account, you can order the AA Big Book and also excellent Al-anon books in hard back, paperback, and on Kindle. Get both. It will help.
 
At the end of church service the pastor says, "Go in peace, serve the Lord".

Sometimes being at peace is helping others. In my dark times it was my hope that I was important or worth something, because I could still help others. True peace is not of this world, but to whatever level we can, I wish that for you.
Soooo happy you're back Save. I hope you choose to stay awhile. :)
 
Soooo happy you're back Save. I hope you choose to stay awhile. :)
The world only gets to go sideways so far before I step in. Fought a lot of battles over state control of our lives here in Michigan. Educating folks about the real science of Covid and how to really protect yourself. Real life action was needed. Now Putin strikes from afar and a message board is as far as I can fight.

The Coffee Shop citizenry have remained in my thoughts.
 

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