USMB Coffee Shop IV

[Foxfyre]

Maybe I've been away for a while or what I'm seeing is correct and that is how diminished the board has become. Doesn't appear to have even half of the traffic it did a long time back. Of course that makes me wonder how long this board has left.

I hope it doesn't go away. I have most of the regular coffee shopper's email addresses though. If you think I don't have it and will trust me with it, you can PM me your email and that way we will have a starting group at another site if this one goes belly up.

Being careful to not be personally critical or partisan here which would violate the spirit of the Coffee Shop:

One thing I've learned is that few things remain the same. Favorite stores or restaurants change management and are no longer our favorites. News organizations and institutions change hands and are no longer appealing to us. Social media changes policies and is more appealing to some, less appealing to others. Relationships can become toxic and we are wise to walk away.

Message boards are no different. When the policy/moderation/participating people make it sufficiently unpleasant for one or more demographics, people tend to go elsewhere for this kind of activity.

 

[Oddball]

So this silly little "OG" badge thingy kinda makes me think I'm now a member at the country club where I caddied for years....Funnah....

 

[beautress]

Today, my left eye shared its stinging wrinkles with the right eye. I therefore am going to do a series of jokes to cheer myself up as my one thing after another health issues deal is going to stand in the corner for the rest of the night for being bad.

So, here goes... a dozen jokes to start off with.

1. I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.


2. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.


3. What vegetable is cool, but not that cool? Rad-ish.


4. I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.


5. Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? She took a day off.


6. Worrying works! Case in point: 90% of the things I worry about never happen.


7. My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate. I told them, “Just you wait!”


8. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.


9. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know which comes first.


10. What do you call a magician who lost his magic? Ian.


11. I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I am OK.


12. I went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He told me they all look that way and I should have left it in the garden.

 

[beautress]

Another dozen for the time being...

13. Two men are on opposite sides of the river. The first man shouts, “How do I get to the other side of the river?” The other man yells, “You are on the other side of the river!”


14. Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied? Because Batman has sworn to protect Goth-ham.


15. Every morning, I announce that I’m going running, but then I don’t. It’s a running joke.


16. Why is a swordfish’s nose 11 inches long? Because if it were 12 inches, it would be a foot.


17. What state is known for its small drinks? Minnesota.


18. What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.


19. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.


20. I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.


21. What did the duck say when she bought lipstick? Put it on my bill.


22. How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool.


23. I know they say money talks, but all mine says is “goodbye.”


24. Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player? Because to them, love means nothing!


Now I know why reading jokes is good for my itching facial skin. It's because laughter is the best medicine.

Hope all of you are well and in good spirits. Have a very good night and a great day tomorrow and weekend, too!

 

[Hossfly]

Another dozen for the time being...

13. Two men are on opposite sides of the river. The first man shouts, “How do I get to the other side of the river?” The other man yells, “You are on the other side of the river!”


14. Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied? Because Batman has sworn to protect Goth-ham.


15. Every morning, I announce that I’m going running, but then I don’t. It’s a running joke.


16. Why is a swordfish’s nose 11 inches long? Because if it were 12 inches, it would be a foot.


17. What state is known for its small drinks? Minnesota.


18. What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.


19. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.


20. I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.


21. What did the duck say when she bought lipstick? Put it on my bill.


22. How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool.


23. I know they say money talks, but all mine says is “goodbye.”


24. Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player? Because to them, love means nothing!


Now I know why reading jokes is good for my itching facial skin. It's because laughter is the best medicine.

Hope all of you are well and in good spirits. Have a very good night and a great day tomorrow and weekend, too!

 

[Lumpy 1]

You look younger without the beard. But either way you look like you.

I’m going with the beard .. looking dangerous

 

[beautress]

Ya know I'm kinda sorta trying to be funny here, right?
Get the eye bleach ready...........

Some of this is all that weight I lost fairly rapidly, now the skin has to shrink down to fit.
View attachment 831156

Buy 7 bananas and eat them one day at a time. Rub the soft sides of the peels to put on creases and skin wrinkles wherever they are. By the 7th day, half of the neck rings, wrist rings, hand wrinkles and rough areas will be smooth as a baby's butt. Do not do this if you are allergic to bananas. Love, beautress

 

[Lumpy 1]

Buy 7 bananas and eat them one day at a time. Rub the soft sides of the peels to put on creases and skin wrinkles wherever they are. By the 7th day, half of the neck rings, wrist rings, hand wrinkles and rough areas will be smooth as a baby's butt. Do not do this if you are allergic to bananas. Love, beautress

I wouldn’t mind being a smoothie but 7 bananas in 7 days .. mmm .. Lumpy visits Cramps City.

 

[beautress]

It's TGIF day. Let's start it off with some more brain teaser jokes...

25. I gave up my seat to an elderly person on the bus. And that’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.


26. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints.


27. Do I know any jokes about sodium? Na.


28. 70% of the earth is water, and virtually none of it is carbonated. So the earth is, in fact, flat.


29. If you have six oranges in one hand and eight bananas in another, what do you have? Big hands.


30. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.


31. What did zero say to eight? Nice belt.


32. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.


33. The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.


34. I just found out the company that produces yardsticks won’t be making them any longer.


35. Geology rocks, but geography is where it’s at.


36. What’s the difference between black-eyed peas and chickpeas? Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song. Chickpeas can hummus one.

 

[beautress]

For the laffs above and the ones below, thanks to the Reader's Digest.

37. A teenager brings her boyfriend home to meet her parents. They're appalled by his haircut, tattoos, and piercings.
Later, her mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy."
"Oh, please mom," said the daughter, "If he wasn't nice, he wouldn't be doing 500 hours of community service!"


38. A termite walks into a bar. He says, “So, is the bar tender here?”


39. Did you hear that Larry got a new job working for Old MacDonald? He’s the new CIEIO.


40. Apparently, you can’t use the words “beef stew” as a password. It’s just not stroganoff.

41. What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner’s on me.


42. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!


43. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.


44. I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.


45. Why do bananas never get lonely? Because they hang out in bunches.


46. Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.


47. Why did the doughnut go to the dentist? To get a filling.


48. What do you call bears with no ears? B.


49. Who built King Arthur’s round table? Sir Cumference.


50. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!


51. Why did the car get a flat tire? Because there was a fork in the road.


52. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.


53. How did the Vikings communicate? With Norse code.


54. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Again, thanks, Reader's Digest: 100 Hilarious Clean Jokes for the Whole Family to Enjoy

 

[Ringel05]

Buy 7 bananas and eat them one day at a time. Rub the soft sides of the peels to put on creases and skin wrinkles wherever they are. By the 7th day, half of the neck rings, wrist rings, hand wrinkles and rough areas will be smooth as a baby's butt. Do not do this if you are allergic to bananas. Love, beautress

One banana will make me curled up in severe bloated pain for half a day, I don't even want to think about what seven would do............ I'm intolerant not allergic.

 

[Foxfyre]

One banana will make me curled up in severe bloated pain for half a day, I don't even want to think about what seven would do............ I'm intolerant not allergic.

I think you might not have to eat them. Just use the peels on your skin? Who knows? It might help? A quick internet search though on that particular hack didn't look too promising just reading the partial links on the list.

Alas since Albertson's started charging by the banana instead of by the pound, we don't buy bananas. By the pound I could buy several small bananas. But now a small banana costs as much as a large one when they all are 25 cents a piece. That offends my sense of justice.

 

[beautress]

One banana will make me curled up in severe bloated pain for half a day, I don't even want to think about what seven would do............ I'm intolerant not allergic.

Oh, I'm sorry Ringel. The reason I mentioned allergy, because long ago when I was working in my quilt business, and employee lost her father to eating a green banana. She seemed to think he was one in a million, but maybe I got the wrong impression. A company named Olay makes two products that might benefit you though,.One is a skin renewal product called regenerist, and the other firms up skin tissue. Together those synergize to produce very healthy and resiliently young-appearing skin. My doctor's appointment to look into my facial flareup, I'm looking forward to. It itches, but when I'm driving my car, the sun exacerbates the pain tenfold, and I'm tired of it. My face has never felt like sandpaper before this infection, and the medicine given at the ER a few days ago is not making the itching go away. I don't like to go out in public, because it's a bad shade of red and it looks goofy. My mom had a saying: "Vanity, thy name is woman."

 

[Foxfyre]

Oh, I'm sorry Ringel. The reason I mentioned allergy, because long ago when I was working in my quilt business, and employee lost her father to eating a green banana. She seemed to think he was one in a million, but maybe I got the wrong impression. A company named Olay makes two products that might benefit you though,.One is a skin renewal product called regenerist, and the other firms up skin tissue. Together those synergize to produce very healthy and resiliently young-appearing skin. My doctor's appointment to look into my facial flareup, I'm looking forward to. It itches, but when I'm driving my car, the sun exacerbates the pain tenfold, and I'm tired of it. My face has never felt like sandpaper before this infection, and the medicine given at the ER a few days ago is not making the itching go away. I don't like to go out in public, because it's a bad shade of red and it looks goofy. My mom had a saying: "Vanity, thy name is woman."

Or we can just accept we aren't spring chickens any more and learn to love our wrinkles? I long ago decided to stop fighting mine. I figure I earned every single one of them.

 

[Foxfyre]

So this silly little "OG" badge thingy kinda makes me think I'm now a member at the country club where I caddied for years....Funnah....

I know it isn't intended to mean that, but I see that OG as abbreviation for "old goat."

 

[Lumpy 1]

If anybody has a cure for thin skin forearms (very easily scratched and bruised) that look like low profile blood blistering, I’ll put you on my trusted “Hero List”.
It’s odd that it’s just forearms..

 

[Foxfyre]

If anybody has a cure for thin skin forearms (very easily scratched and bruised) that look like low profile blood blistering, I’ll put you on my trusted “Hero List”.
It’s odd that it’s just forearms..

Can't be your hero on that one Lumpy. Those of us plagued with thin skin as we age--I bruise ridiculously easily and the doc says I'll just have to be more careful and live with it--seem to be just stuck with it. However I did find this:

There is no cure for thin skin but some measures can help to reduce or prevent its effects:

• Protecting the skin from the sun by wearing sunscreen and long sleeves
• Applying creams that contain vitamin A, C, E, or beta-carotene to the skin
• Taking a multivitamin and supplements such as borage seed oil, fish oil, or bone broth
• Staying hydrated and eating foods that are rich in antioxidants

What to Know About Thin Skin

Thin skin can result from aging, sun exposure, and other factors. Learn more about how to treat and prevent thin skin.

www.verywellhealth.com

 

[Lumpy 1]

Can't be your hero on that one Lumpy. Those of us plagued with thin skin as we age--I bruise ridiculously easily and the doc says I'll just have to be more careful and live with it--seem to be just stuck with it. However I did find this:

There is no cure for thin skin but some measures can help to reduce or prevent its effects:

• Protecting the skin from the sun by wearing sunscreen and long sleeves
• Applying creams that contain vitamin A, C, E, or beta-carotene to the skin
• Taking a multivitamin and supplements such as borage seed oil, fish oil, or bone broth
• Staying hydrated and eating foods that are rich in antioxidants

What to Know About Thin Skin

Thin skin can result from aging, sun exposure, and other factors. Learn more about how to treat and prevent thin skin.

www.verywellhealth.com

You are a natural born hero so thanks for that as well.
Long sleeves help but nothing helps with coming home to crazy and affectionate dogs.

 

[Foxfyre]

You are a natural born hero so thanks for that as well.
Long sleeves help but not even that helps with coming home to crazy and affectionate dogs.

Maybe motorcycle leathers?

 

[Lumpy 1]

Maybe motorcycle leathers?

It’s almost time for winter wear.