If you can’t see how God has worked in your life maybe the problem is with you and not God.Why, he wouldn't? I've challenged god to show me that he's real, but yet he hides still. I'm trying to call him out. Yet still he hides.Does that apply to me as well?My grandfather left the Amish as a young man. I know about focus on the external at the expense of the internal. What you do in the outside doesn't help much when God sees the heart clearly.
Are you actually looking for reassurance that the God you make a hobby out of mocking still loves you despite your buffoonery?