make your own "the most interesting man in the world" bits

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His parrot speaks five languages — fluently.

 

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He has never gotten a coffee stain.

 

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He has never made love to a fat chick.

 

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He sometimes eats tomato soup with chop sticks.

 

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He has a 20,000-square foot home just to hold all the panties he's collected as souvenirs of the women to whom he's made love.

 

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He can masturbate by telekinesis.

 

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His jacuzzi transforms into a monster truck.

 

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He eats walnuts and pecans — shells and all.

 

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He has actually shaken the hand of fate.

 

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He is the only person ever to have been the UN's official ambassador to colonies of ants.

 

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He has made love to women on every acre in the world.

 

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He can throw an Olympic discus in a 100-mph perfect spiral.

 

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He has a beachfront home on Venus.

 

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He orders Sanka at Starbucks.

 

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None of his dogs have ever had "their days".

 

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He puts "e" before "i", even after "c" — just because he feels like it.

 

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The "Whopper" that he orders at Burger King has its own "special sauce".

 

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He has seen shit literally hit the fan — and laughed at it.

 

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He once jogged a mile before he'd learned to crawl — just to show that it could be done.

 

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He breaks a mirror every seven years — just to laugh out loud at its punk ass.